Why rinse chicken?

Winter One-derland!

2012-01-04T14:47:00.000-05:00

We had a Winter One-derland party to celebrate Audrey's 1st Birthday and I was really happy with the way everything turned out! We had a fairly small family party for her, but if you know me, you know the details were still important to me!

The invitations I made.

(With my address, phone number and email blurred out for internet purposes.)

Snowflake sugar cookies I made and decorated for favors.

Cupcakes with homemade pink buttercream and royal icing snowflakes.

Audrey's snowflake smash cake.

Snowflake decorated highchair

Paper snowflakes hanging from the ceiling

and the light fixtures.

Photo collage on display with the cupcakes, smash cake and cookies.

Pulling bows off the presents before the party even starts.
There are little silver snowflakes on her dress too!

Audrey's new princess car from Mommy & Daddy!

Cake time!

Testing it out.

Feeling it in her fingers.

Yummmmm!

Audrey mostly got money for her education fund as gifts, which I was happy about because she got so many toys for Christmas. I'm worried about making her birthday special for her, being so close to Christmas, as she gets older though.

Do any of you have a birthday or a child's birthday close to Christmas? What did your parents and do you do to make the birthday special? I'll take any suggestions! I've heard that some people celebrate their half birthday in the summer instead. I like that idea, but I would feel like I needed to do something on her real birthday too. What do you think?

Christmas

2012-01-02T20:37:00.000-05:00

Christmas was awesome for us this year! It was Audrey's first Christmas, as well as her cousin Blake's! We had so much fun and the house was filled with Christmas spirit, magic and wonder! Words can't describe how full of joy I felt watching her with the lights and decorations, wrapping paper and presents. So instead, I'll just leave you with some of my favorite photos!

Audrey - 12 months

2011-12-30T20:30:00.000-05:00

Audrey,

You are one year (and 2 days) old my sweet girl, and my-oh-my, what a year it has been! But before we think back on the whole year, let’s talk about this past month.You have made great strides in the last month, and you walk everywhere now! It amazes me how quickly it happened. When I wrote your last letter, you were taking 7 or 8 wobbly steps consecutively, but you still preferred to crawl. Now, you walk (or run!) everywhere, and with such confidence! Everywhere you go you have to be holding something in both hands too. Most of the time, it's your socks. It amazes me how much you love to play with socks and shoes since you hate to have them on your feet!

You are such a smart little peanut! When asked, you correctly point to your eyes, ears, nose, mouth, hair, fingers, toes and belly button! You love your belly button! You even love to find Mommy and Daddy's belly buttons. When you point to your mouth, we ask you what's inside and you stick out your tongue too!

You are definitely not a baby anymore. You communicate with us more and more every day, and you KNOW what you want! You correctly sign "milk" and shake your head "yes" and "no." If you want milk or your diaper changed, you go right to the stairs (and start to climb if we forgot to close the gate.) Your vocabulary includes "hi," "mama," "dada," book," "bye bye," "up," and "baby." Baby sounds more like "baba" but "hi" and "bye bye" also include a little wave. You even put two words together and say "Hi, Dada!"

You love when we sing the ABC's or the Itsy Bitsy Spider and you do the cutest like bouncing dance to it. You've even started "singing" with us.

You are holding strong at 8 teeth. The 9th one is just under the gums and Mommy has been expecting it to pop through for the last month. Hopefully it comes through soon, because it really seems to be bothering you. We've been brushing your teeth at bath time and you love it. Santa brought you a new big girl toothbrush, and you even like to brush them yourself now!

Sleeping has improved this month. One night you slept from 8pm to 6:30am! I wish that would happen more often, but you have been giving us 8 hour stretches for the most part. When we get to 4am, you don't want to go back to sleep, but we'll tackle one thing at a time. We have a good bedtime routine and you go down for Daddy easily, and you take a good 2-3 hour nap in the middle of the day.

You are starting to wean yourself, and only nurse at 4am, nap time and bedtime now. When you do nurse it's only for about 10 minutes too. You love food and eat like such a good girl. Breakfast is usually cheerios, yogurt, oatmeal and blueberries or toast. You LOVE yogurt! Lunch and dinner are usually whatever we're eating. There's not much you don't like, with the exception of potatoes, which Mommy can't even believe! (How can you be my daughter if you don't like potatoes?!) You like to feed yourself, but you haven't quite mastered the spoon yet. We started giving you a little bit of whole milk with dinner last week and you LOVED it! Unfortunately, you didn't sleep very well those few nights and we think you had an upset stomach. Your doctor suggested we start with 1% and work our way up to get your belly used to it.

This month included a lot of Christmas activities. We decorated the tree, decorated the house and made Christmas cookies. You loved all the decorations! Your first Christmas was a three day event that left you (and Mommy!) exhausted, but we all had so much fun watching you. Mommy especially enjoyed experiencing Christmas through your eyes. It was magical and filled Mommy's heart with so much joy!

You have so many new toys now that you don't know what to go to first! You really love your tea set from Auntie, your cell phone from Mommy & Daddy, and your Fisher Price Learning Home from Grammy and Grampy though. You also have 5 or 6 new baby dolls to hug and kiss and cuddle. Not to mention that there's not room for any more books on your bookshelf, you have so many now!

At your 12 month well baby visit, you measured 30 inches long and weighed in at 23 pounds, 5 ounces! You are now in the 80% percentile for height and the 90% percentile for weight! (You had a new nurse this time and Mommy didn't think she measured you carefully enough, so I think you might actually be a little bit taller.) You had 3 shots, which you weren't happy about, but otherwise the visit went well. The doctor seemed impressed at how advanced you are cognitively and physically, not to mention you gave her a great big hug! I was not surprised. Mommy knows what a smart little girl you are already!

At 5pm on the night of your birthday, Mommy had a good cry. Exactly one year ago, the doctor had put you on Mommy's chest and I held you for the first time. In that moment, it all felt surreal. I couldn't believe you were mine. Now, looking back, I get so emotional. I never could have imagined in that moment how much love and joy you would bring into my life. I can't even come close to describing it in words. You filled a part of my heart I never knew was there, my sweet girl. I feel incredibly blessed to have the opportunity to be a mother, but particularly, to be your mother. You teach me more than I try to teach you and you love me more than I try to love you.

Watching you grow this past year has been the most wonderful, awe-inspiring experience of my life, and Mommy feels so blessed to have had this time at home with you. Daddy and I look forward to watching you continue to grow, learn and explore the world around you. You are a sweet, adventurous, expressive little girl and I hope you never lose those qualities.

I love you to the moon and back my sweet, sweet girl!
Love Always,
Mommy

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-25T07:00:00.000-05:00

Since I shared some of our Christmas card outtakes, I thought I'd share our actual Christmas card too. Merry Christmas, everyone!

Christmas Card Outtakes

2011-12-07T11:47:00.001-05:00

I'm sure you've all seen the photo on Pinterest that was the inspiration for my Christmas cards this year. It was not quite as easy to capture as I wanted it to be! I did get a couple nice photos and our Christmas card is so cute, but today I thought I'd share a few of the outtakes.

"We're inside, Mama! I don't want to wear a hat!"

And when I did manage to get her to keep the hat on,

the lights went in her mouth and she decided to get
in some crazy position!

After only about 5 minutes she was much more interested in looking out the window than anything I was doing to try and get her to smile at me!

Audrey - 11 months

2011-11-28T09:16:00.000-05:00

Audrey,

At 11 months old, you are a force to be reckoned with! You are walking more and more every day. If you want to get somewhere quickly, you still crawl, but you are more sure on your feet and confident every day and it makes Mommy so proud. We jokingly call you "the mischief maker" because you're into everything, but you are just curious and investigating.

You were a little pink owl for your first Halloween! We didn't take you out Trick-or-Treating officially, but we did go to a few family members' houses to show off your costume. You were so incredibly adorable and Mommy was really proud of her first real sewing project.

Even though you were born in a snow storm, you experienced your first October snow storm and built a snowman with Mommy & Daddy! You hated the snowsuit and pretty much everything about being outside in the snow. Hopefully, that will change once you get used to it!

We tried finger painting this month, but you weren't really all that into it. Mommy had to put you hand in the paint and then onto the paper. You were more interested in squishing the paint between your fingers, but you had fun so that's all that matters!

Mommy didn't get any pictures of your first Thanksgiving, but you loved your turkey dinner! We spent lots of time visiting with family, especially Auntie, Uncle Ryan and Blake. Blake was baptized while they were here and you were such a good girl! You love your cousin so much and give him the sweetest hugs and kisses!

You still have the 8 teeth you had last month. We had a little teething break, which was nice. I can feel your 9th starting to come now, but it's still under the gums and hasn't broken through yet. Sleeping hasn't really improved much. You are still up twice a night for the most part, but you tend to go right back down after you've nursed.

Speaking of nursing, you are starting to show less and less interest during the day. Mommy is definitely okay with this. We've just about made it to Mommy's one year goal and you are eating 3 meals a day now. We're going to cut down to just nursing at nap times and during the night and slowly phase that out too. Mommy has treasured this time with you my sweet girl. I love the closeness we have developed through this time together, but you are a little girl now and don't seem to need it anymore. To be honest, Mommy is ready to wean too. It's time.

The holidays are coming up now and Mommy is so excited to share this beautiful time of year with you. We went to the Christmas tree farm to get Grammy and Grampy's tree while Auntie, Uncle and Blake were still here. We had so much fun and got the biggest family tree yet - 13 feet tall!

Next month you will be one year old already! I don't know where the time goes, but Mommy is so proud of the sweet little girl you are becoming.

I love you to the moon and back sweetie!
Love always,
Mommy

Owl Costume Tutorial

2011-11-02T15:24:00.000-04:00

...alternately titled, "Audrey's First Halloween," or "Mommy's First Sewing Project." :)

I wasn't sure if I was going to dress Audrey up for Halloween this year. She's only 10 months old. Let's face it: she's not going to remember and she can't eat candy. But my mom bought her a really cute owl hat for the winter, so I decided to make her an owl costume.

I found some inspiration on pinterest, dug my mom's old sewing machine out of the basement, got a sewing machine crash course from my gram, raided her cloth room (yes, she has a whole room full of fabric!) and got to work!

My main goal was for Audrey to be comfortable. We didn't actually take her trick-or-treating, just to a few family members' houses, but she's still only 10 months old. It wouldn't be much of a costume if she pulled all the different parts off.

So the owl hat my mom bought from The Children's Place was my main inspiration.

Cute, right? Again, purchased, not made! This is my first sewing project, remember? Anyway...

First, I found some inspiration for the actual owl costume via pinterest here and here. I didn't use their tutorials, but it got me started.

Next, I found a hand-me-down shirt that was given to Audrey that I didn't mind sewing over. The shirt was a size 24 months and she's only wearing 12 months, so it was a bit big, but that gave me room to put a onesie underneath it to keep her warm and the length made it more like a little dress.

On a regular old piece of paper, I hand drew a feather template at about the size I thought would look good. (Real technical, I know!)

Then I had to decide on fabric for the feathers. There were 3 shades of pink in the hat and Audrey had a pair of leggings in the darkest pink color, so I decided she would wear those with the shirt. Upon raiding my gram's cloth room, I found scraps of cloth in both the medium pink and light pink from the hat. YAY! Who doesn't like free?

So then I traced the feather template on both of the fabrics and cut them out. I started with 20 feathers in each color. I don't know how many I ended up using, but I did cut more, and the number you'll need will depend on how closely you overlap them and the size of the shirt.

Once they were cut out, I overlapped the feathers, alternating the colors, and pinned them in place. I sewed them on one row at a time, starting at the bottom. I just used a straight stitch because that's all I know how to do, so nothing fancy! I must admit, sewing on to one side of an already assembled shirt, without sewing through the back side, got difficult near the top. I just tried to keep a flat surface where I was sewing and went slow.

When I got to the top, I sewed some feathers around the neckline too. Then, I put the sleeve on a piece of paper and drew a wing template.

I decided to use the medium pink for the wings, but then they looked a little plain, so I sewed some of the individual light pink feathers onto them before attaching them to the sleeves.

At this point, I realized I couldn't sew the wings on without sewing the front and back of the sleeves together. Shoot! At first I thought well maybe I'll use fabric glue, or hot glue, but then I found some no-sew hemming tape in a drawer. Perfect! If you've never heard of it or used it, it comes on a roll and looks like a white mesh. You put it between two pieces of fabric, iron, and it essentially glues the two pieces of fabric together. Easy peasy!

So I cut a piece of the no-sew tape the length of the wing. I put the tape on top of the sleeve and lined the wing up on top of the tape. Then I just ironed over the wing! Make sure you can't see any of the tape before you iron. If you iron directly on the tape you'll end up with a mess of glue all over your iron.

And that's it! Done!

Not bad, if I do say so myself! Especially for my first time ever using a sewing machine! And if I thought it was cute when I finished, I just about died from cuteness overload when we put it on her!

Is she not the cutest little pink owl ever or what?! Super fancy costume? No. Made with love? Absolutely! And way cuter than any plastic store bought costume!

I hope the tutorial was helpful. If you want to get fancy, I guess you could do the back of the shirt too. Audrey is 10 months old. Totally not necessary for her in my book! If you have any questions about what I did, please feel free to leave a comment and I'll do my best to answer them!

Audrey - 10 months

2011-10-28T16:22:00.000-04:00

My sweet Audrey,

You are 10 months old! I am in awe every day at how smart you are becoming. Your little giggle melts my heart and that smile - oh that smile - it lights up my life!

Two more teeth this month brings your total up to 8! You don't seem to have any more coming right now and Mommy is very grateful! I don't think we've had a real break since you started teething. Your hair is also starting to fill in a little bit. It's so light that you still look like a baldy, but as the person who washes your cute little head every night, I know it's growing now!

We have started a new sleep routine since your 9 month well baby check up. Instead of Mommy nursing you to sleep, we nurse, then do tubby time, then read books, then Daddy puts you down to sleep awake. You are doing amazingly well with it and go down right away! You are still up twice during the night and Mommy is still nursing you back to sleep then, but that's next on our list to tackle. One thing at a time! You are sleeping in your crib all night for the most part though, which is wonderful!

Not only do you stand unassisted, but you took your first steps this month!! I still wouldn't call you a "walker" just yet, but on days when you're feeling brave (and definitely not when we're trying to get you to do it) you'll take a few independent steps! You love your little pushable lion too and push him around like a pro! Very, very soon you'll be cruising around on those twinkly toes.

Mommy loves the fall, so we spend lots of time outside this month. We hiked Mt. Greylock, played in the leaves and went apple picking! You were so cute trying to pull the apples off the trees and didn't want to leave.

When we ask you to clap your hands, you do so without being shown what to do. Mommy is amazed at how much you are showing us you understand. You can pick your baby doll out of a pile of stuffed animals when asked and you'll "shakey shakey" your sprinkles on command. You also love scarecrows and demand to be brought around Grammy and Grampy's house until you've seen them all!

You LOVE to read more than anything else! You'll pull every single book off your bookshelf, surround yourself with them and "read" them one by one. You will occupy yourself for long periods of time like this. You definitely show preference for any book with animals in it, so much so that Mommy wonders if some day you might have a career involving animals.

You love to get into things you aren't supposed to. You have learned to shake your head "no" to Mommy when she tells you not to do something and proceed to do it anyway. You also climbed all the way up the stairs (with Mommy following you to see what would happen). The house is now complete with baby gates, cabinets locks and outlet plugs!

You are silly,

sweet,

mischievous,

and curious,

and Momma loves you to pieces!

To the moon and back sweet girl!
Love Always,
Mommy

natural bridge

2011-10-17T09:24:00.000-04:00

We are blessed to live in an area filled with natural beauty. Natural Bridge State Park is one of those places I love to go when I want to get outside. It is home to the only naturally formed white marble bridge in North America. A few weeks ago, my hubby and I strapped Audrey in the ergo and took her up there for her first visit and a nice little hike!

Cutie!

Shadow Family

She loves her Daddy!

Not bad for the self-timer!

Shoulder ride!

beautiful

my loves

Is she my mini-me or what?!

pumpkin patch

2011-10-16T07:57:00.001-04:00

A few weeks ago, my sister was here visiting so we decided to take the kiddos to the pumpkin patch! Blake is still too small to really enjoy it, but Audrey had fun! And of course, we got lots of pictures!

We saw goats...

...and sheep...

...and a pony!

Audrey just LOVES animals! She's not afraid at all!

Then we saw pumpkins bigger than she was!

It was an absolutely GORGEOUS sunshiny day and we all enjoyed the pumpkin patch!

the little details

2011-10-12T15:55:00.001-04:00

I came across The Paper Mama's blog via Pinterest recently. It's such a fun blog that it has become one of my new favorites, so I decided to participate in her photo challenge this week. This week's theme is "the little details."

I love this photo of Audrey's hands just after she picked some of the petals off of Grammy's new mums! And I think it fits the theme perfectly!

team mommy

2011-10-04T11:15:00.001-04:00

A friend asked me for some advice on getting her baby boy to sleep in his crib the other day and it got me thinking. As mommies, we need to be more supportive of one another. We need to ask for advice when we need it and give advice when asked. We need to remind each other with this advice that each and every child is different, and that what worked for us might not work for them. We need to encourage each other and reinforce that we are doing the best we can for that particular child.

We need not tear each other down or imply that we know better. We need not be close-minded to ideas that are unfamiliar to us.

We need to stick together. We need to do our research and share our knowledge. We need to encourage, uplift and support each other.

Too often I see Moms criticizing each other behind their backs. We are on the same team! We need to stick together. After all, it really does take a village to raise a child. We need each other!

Audrey - 9 months

2011-09-28T09:11:00.000-04:00

Audrey,

You are now Mommy's sweet little 9 month old. You are less a baby every day, and more and more an active little girl. You are cruising around on all fours, pulling yourself up on anything you can find. You shift from the couch to the coffee table to the chair, making your way around the living room. You let go for a few brave seconds, but always fall to your bum as soon as you realize what you're doing. You can now pull open the stove and will open all the cabinets in the kitchen. You particularly like the baking cabinet and always grab and shake the bottle of sprinkles!

You are also experimenting with "crawling" with just your hands and feet on the ground. When you get tired of doing this, it results in what looks like you doing the cutest downward dog yoga pose I've ever laid eyes on! You love to dance now too, and when you hear music of any kind, you shake your little bum and bounce up and down. You have no fear, and would dive bomb head first from any height if we let you.

Your hand-eye coordination is growing leaps and bounds. You've been picking up your little puffs (and anything you might find on the floor in your travels) for awhile now, but wouldn't put them in your mouth. Now, you try to put them in 2 or 3 at a time (or eat leaves and dust bunnies) and I have to keep a close eye on you!

You love books (just like your Momma) and don't seem to mind whether they're being read to you or if you're just flipping through them on your own. You also love to imitate people, whether they are tapping their hand on the table or clearing their throat. A game of peek-a-boo induces fits of giggles that would make anyone smile and shoulder rides are the best thing since sliced bread! You are fascinated by animals and show no fear at all around them. It makes Momma think that you might grow up to be a vet.

Teething continues to be the only thing that makes you grouchy. You now have 6 teeth that have broken through the skin (3 on the top and 3 on the bottom) and 1 on the top that I expect to pop through any day now. We tried some homeopathic teething tablets for a couple days that produced 2 of the worst nights you've ever had, so Mommy decided those were a bad idea. Then we bought you a Baltic amber necklace. I didn't really notice it making a difference until I forgot to put it on you one day. That day produced more drooling, crying, and hand gnawing than we had seen since we bought the necklace, so you now wear it every day.

Besides "Mama" and "Dada," you now also say "hiiiiy." We have a mirror attached to the seat in front of you in the car, and you look in the mirror and say hi and wave at yourself every time we put you in the car seat.

You are in 12 month clothes for the most part, but for no other reason than the 9 month stuff is just too short! Your 9 month well baby visit isn't until the 7th, so I will update this post with those stats then. You are now 21 pounds and 29 inches long!

You are the light of my life baby girl. Your sweet smile, sparkling blue eyes and adorable little laugh fill my heart with so much joy.

I love you to the moon and back!
Love always,
Mommy

cloth diapers

2011-09-25T11:04:00.002-04:00

I can't believe that Audrey is almost 9 months old and I still haven't done a cloth diaper post! When she was born, we used disposables for the first two weeks because she was so little. For the next two weeks, we transitioned using cloth during the day and disposables at night. We were so tired that first month that even something as simple as putting a liner into a cover seemed impossible at 2am! But when she was around four weeks, we went to cloth exclusively and that's what we've been doing ever since. So here's a basic rundown on what we use, how we do it, and what works for us:

We use Flip diapers and love them! LOVE them! They are one size, adjustable covers and contain messes very well. When we started using them Audrey was around 8 pounds and she is now around 20 pounds. We have simply adjusted along the way and have had no problems with them fitting her. We have had a few leaks here and there, but honestly, they're leaks that probably would have happened no matter what kind of diaper she was wearing!

We have 7 covers and 24 inserts, which works out to be just the right amount for us.
I wash diapers every other day. I could certainly buy more inserts and wash less often, but the idea of dirty diapers sitting there for more than 2 days grosses me out!
We use the Blueberry brand cloth diaper laundry bag. I haven't had any problems with it and the waterproof lining is still in great condition after 9 months. This is probably in part due to the fact that:

I do not wash the laundry bag every time I wash diapers. I have never had a problem with Audrey's room smelling either. Obviously, if you put your nose right up to the bag it smells, but other than that the odors seem to stay inside. I feel that not washing the bag every time helps keep the lining from breaking down too quickly.
I've tested several methods for actually washing the diapers. What seems to work best for me and what I'm currently doing is:
1. Rinse cycle only with cold water.
2. Wash full cycle in hot water with Dreft laundry soap (and sometimes a little OxiClean if the poopy diapers were particularly gross).
3. Rinse cycle only with cold water.
4. Put them in the sun to dry if it's a nice day. Most often they just go in the dryer though.
Now that Audrey is eating solid foods, her poop is obviously more solid too. At the advice of one of our cloth diapering friends, we use a simple kitchen spatula (that stays in the bathroom so there's no confusion) to scrape the poop off into the toilet. Then the dirty diaper goes right into the laundry bag. I don't rinse. I wash often enough that I haven't had a problem with staining.

When we're out and about, we have a medium sized Bummis Fabulous Wet Bag for wet and dirty diapers. I've never had it leak and it fits nicely in my diaper bag.

As for cost, all of my covers and liners were a gift for my baby shower, so I didn't pay for them myself. However, knowing the cost of them, the one time purchase of our supply is MUCH less than we would have spent in disposables over the last 9 months. Obviously, we have the added cost of water, laundry detergent and electricity to wash them, but the increased cost in those things has been minimal.
We decided to use cloth simply for Audrey's benefit. There are so many chemicals on disposables that we just didn't want her exposed to. Some people use them for environmental reasons. While I'm happy we aren't filling the landfill with diapers that take forever to break down, we are using more water, so to me there's good and bad environmentally.
They really are just as easy as disposables and take no more time when changing Audrey. The only added effort is the laundry and I feel like I'm doing laundry every day anyway so it really doesn't make a difference to me!
After 9 months, my supply is still in excellent condition! I don't see any evidence that they won't last us until Audrey is out of diapers completely!
Then there's the cute factor, of course! A cloth diapered bum is just so much cuter! I love her fluffy little bum! And no cartoon characters in sight!

I mean, come on! How cute is that bum?!

So I think that's it! Do you use cloth? What's your routine like? Feel free to ask any questions if I left anything out!

Everyone has different opinions, preferences, and techniques that work for them. This is simply what works for us! We love cloth, but have nothing against anyone who uses disposables. In addition, I was not compensated in any way by any of the companies mentioned in this post. These are my opinions only and the links are for your convenience.

photography

2011-09-20T08:23:00.000-04:00

When I'm not chasing around after my sweet little stair and coffee table climbing cutie, my photography takes up most of my time. I'm not a professional and I don't plan to be, but I'm constantly trying to learn and improve my techniques. I've had a lot of people tell me recently that I should start a business, but I don't think they understand the amount of work being a professional photographer entails. I think I'm pretty good at it and it's fun! Not to mention the awesome images I get of my friends and family! But right now, being a mommy is my full time job.

Anyway, I've had a photography blog for awhile now, but much like this blog, I wasn't very good at keeping it updated. I just recently redesigned the whole blog and I am in love with how it looks! I am trying to post (or schedule posts) just about every day. The "Photos" link on this blog will take you there, or you can just go there directly http://blueeyedperspective.blogspot.com, but please take a look around and follow it if you want. Some time in the near future, I may actually add some items to my etsy shop and put a link to it up on the photography blog as well. I even have some giveaways I'm working on!

I can't believe I just wrote an entire post that (almost) didn't mention Audrey! Can't let that happen, can we?! How about a photo? :)

Audrey giving Daddy kisses!

There! That's more like it! :)

you are beautiful

2011-09-07T20:39:00.000-04:00

Today on facebook, a friend of mine posted the following:

Last night my eight-year-old (my strong, healthy, NORMAL eight-year-old) came home and told us she was done eating "Bad food" because she's on a diet. In related news, I'd really like to jump on her classmate's mom's back like a screeching howler monkey for teaching HER kid to teach MY kid that this bull**** is ok.

Then another friend of mine commented:

My strong, healthy, NORMAL 9yr old wore shorts over her bathing suit all summer because she thinks her behind is too big.

Reading it make me physically feel sick. No eight year old should be on a diet. No nine year old should feel this way about their body. And I just can't get it out of my head. I do not want my sweet little girl to ever think she needs to go on a diet! Our attitudes about nutrition, exercise, and the way women should look in this country sicken me.

Dear Audrey (or anyone else that needs to read this),

Growing up, Mommy was "fat." I was never teased or bullied, but I knew I was bigger than everyone else. I put myself on crazy, stupid diets. I drank supplement diet drinks instead of eating meals. And surprise, surprise - it didn't work!

First of all, you are beautiful just the way God made you. I whisper this in your ear every night before I put you down in your crib. I hope that when you're old enough, it sticks with you and you believe it.

Now a little about nutrition. I have done a lot of research on the subject in my life. We eat to nourish our bodies. Whole, natural, unprocessed foods - fruits, vegetables, whole grains, proteins, and even fats - are important to incorporate in our diet in order to fuel our bodies. In addition to nourishing our bodies, some foods also taste really good. Everything in moderation my sweet girl. Do not deprive yourself of something delicious, but do not over-indulge. Food is not only nutrition, but also joy. Some of my favorite family memories revolve around food or the dinner table. Enjoy, live, celebrate, re-fuel, but don't over-indulge.

My thoughts on exercise are probably different than most people's also. Exercise does not have to be going to a gym and running on a treadmill. Find something you love and do that. Exercise becomes a chore when it is boring. Dance around your room. Take the stairs. Go for a walk. Ride a bike. Hoola-hoop or jump rope. Chase after your 8 month old crawling machine of a daughter. ;) Play frisbee with a friend. Weed the garden. Go swimming or play in the snow. Laugh! Get outside, get some fresh air, and just do something - anything!

In most cases, this is all you need to do, my sweet girl. You do not have to be rail-thin to be beautiful. Beauty on the outside emanates from what you feel about yourself on the inside. Be healthy, be active, and embrace your "thunder thighs" (I'm sorry sweetheart, but I'm pretty sure they're genetic!)

Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. Beauty is not starving yourself, diets, over-exercising or plastic surgery. Healthy is beautiful. Confidence is beautiful. You are beautiful, inside and out!

Love always,
Mommy

Blake Thomas

2011-08-30T12:10:00.004-04:00

On August 11, 2011 at 2:42pm, 4 weeks before his due date, my nephew was born via emergency c-section. Blake Thomas weighed 5 pounds 4 ounces and was 18 1/2 inches long. After 5 days in the special care nursery, baby Blake was able to go home with his Mommy and Daddy!

Click the photo above to see more photos of Blake!

My sister and Blake are both doing well and I am so in love with this tiny little man!

Audrey - 8 months

2011-08-29T11:32:00.001-04:00

Audrey,

You are 8 months old now and you are such a beautiful, kind little peanut. This month you (and Momma) experienced your first earthquake, and yesterday, on your 8 month birthday, your first hurricane. Luckily, we didn't have any damage personally, but our town and many towns around us have experienced devastating damage due to flooding. Many years ago, flood chutes were built in our town, and they built them bigger than they ever thought we would need them. Yesterday, the water was about a foot from the top!

You also became a big cousin this month! Your Auntie had her baby boy 4 weeks early, delivered via emergency c-section. We jumped in the car and got to Maryland after he was already born, but we stayed for 11 days to help Auntie and Uncle Ryan, and get to know baby Blake! You were such a good girl the whole time! The first time you saw Mommy holding baby Blake, you spun into a 20 minute jealous rage! But after a little time with him, you were peaking into his bassinet and giving him kisses! Tomorrow we'll drive back down for another week and you seem just as excited as Mommy is.

You are a brave little explorer! You crawl around and pull yourself up on things with such confidence! Momma hopes you are always so confident in yourself and that you never lose that sense of wonder and curiosity. You could be a little less brave though! It breaks Momma's heart when you fall or bump into something and cry your little lungs out.

You understand that objects still exist even if you can't see them now. You wave and clap your hands. And you love to peak your head around corners, turning your head sideways. If someone asks you where Momma or Dadda are, you look right at them. You say "Dada" all the time but we don't think you associate it with him when you're saying it. However, when you say "Mama" you do seem to understand that it is me. This makes me smile even if you are crying for me at the time. We say "baby Blake" to you every time you see your cousin, and you even started to say, "ba ba bwa" back to us.

We discovered that you weren't sleeping well because you were getting both of you top, central incisors at the same time. :( They finally broke through the skin and Mommy has been able to get you to sleep in your crib the whole night for 3 nights in a row. You're still up at least twice during the night, but I can handle that.

You are so used to Mommy's camera now, that you get this huge, fake smile as soon as you hear the camera autofocus. It's hilarious to me! But you are such a cute little model. You are so smiley all the time that your great grandpa said he thinks you have "pudding face" like that pudding commercial!

Click the photo above to see more from this fun photo shoot we had!

You are growing so quickly and Mommy tries to cherish every second and be patient because I know it won't be like this for long. I love you more than you can even imagine my sweet girl. Your smile fills my heart with the purest love and happiness imaginable. You are my everything!

I love you to the moon and back!
Love always,
Mommy

Audrey - 7 months

2011-07-28T15:57:00.003-04:00

Audrey,

This month was a fun one! Not only are you crawling now, but you're pulling yourself up to standing too! You are much too brave for your britches, and you've already gotten a big bruise on your forehead from your bravery. We had to lower the mattress in your crib because you're pulling yourself up to standing in there. You are so cute! You pull yourself up and get this huge smile because you are so proud of yourself. Then you realize you don't know how to get down, get scared, and scream for Mommy to come help you!

You fully understand waving and you're so proud of yourself as you wave to everyone you see. It's a cute little hand-twist, sideways wave and it makes Mommy so proud every time you do it.

You love the color yellow. The top to your stacking rings and a stripe on your Grampa's gym shorts are yellow and you are drawn to them before anything else. This seems appropriate to me because everyone you meet says you are a little ray of sunshine.

Unfortunately, you attended your first wake and funeral this month. Your great great great uncle passed away at the age of 92. He was the gentlest, kindest man and you loved your Zio so much. He called you Chi Chi and always made you smile. Because you're still nursing, Mommy had to keep you with her, and not only were you a well-behaved little angel, but you made so many people smile during a very sad time.

Speaking of nursing, Mommy is so proud that she has been able to nurse you for all 7 months of your life! You're eating lots of other foods now, but Mommy's milky is still your favorite. I hope we make it all the way to a year old, but if you decided to stop at any point now, I wouldn't be heartbroken.

You love your Quack! Quack! touch and feel book and when Mommy lets you pick a book to read, that's always the one you choose. You also touch and scratch at any clothing or furniture within your reach. You love discovering how different things feel.

You absolutely love swimming, but you are quite the diva and the water can't be too cold or you want nothing to do with it. Grampa turned the heat in the hot tub down to 80 degrees and now it's the perfect little swimming pool for you. Whether the bubbles are on or off, you kick your feet and have a grand old time.

We went backwards with the sleeping this month. I really shouldn't complain because you've basically been sleeping through the night since you were 3 months old, but now you're up once or twice a night again. I change you and feed you, and most of the time you will go right back down. Most of the time! Sometimes you make Mommy very, very tired and she just ends up taking you in bed with her. One night when you were in bed with Mommy, you fell asleep and your pacifier fell out. You rolled over in the dark and started sucking on Mommy's nose! It was so cute and innocent, that Mommy couldn't help but laugh.

You continue to be a Mommy's girl through and through. Mommy's not complaining at all. She loves you so much and is so grateful God chose her to be your Mommy. As you grow and learn, I am fascinated watching you discover the world around you. You are smart, sweet as can be, and happy as a clam.

I love you to the moon and back, sweet girl!
Love Always,
Mommy

P.S. Mommy was horrible at taking pictures of you this past month. I promise I'll capture that cute face more often this month!

Why new moms don't wear makeup...

2011-07-15T12:34:00.006-04:00

It's not because we don't have time or because we're too tired...we just don't need it!

Our moisturizer is applied many times daily with
big, sloppy, baby drool kisses.

Our blush is applied by tiny, pinching fingers.

Lip gloss - not necessary! See number one again. Perfect sheen!

And if you've ever seen then look in a new mom's eyes when she
looks at her baby, you already know why
eye makeup is unnecessary.

I know I've been a horrible Mommy-Blogger. I just hope that means I'm being a SUPER mommy! I promise to try to write more than just a letter to Audrey once a month!

Audrey - 6 months

2011-06-28T16:39:00.003-04:00

Audrey,

You are 6 months old today - a whole half a year!! I say this every single month, but I just cannot believe how fast the time is flying by!

This month you had cereal for the first time. You loved it and have also tried banana, avocado, sweet potato, carrot, strawberry and pear! You pretty much seem to love everything we give you and we just can't get it in your mouth fast enough for you!

You're sitting up on your own now. Not for long periods of time, but you are definitely leaps and bounds stronger each and every day.

You are also wiggling in every direction but forward! Momma has to keep a close eye on you now because even though you aren't technically crawling, you're definitely mobile. You do get up on your hands and knees and rock back and forth like you're going to throw yourself forward, but then you basically belly flop!

Those toys are where I originally put you down!

You have 2 teeth now! They're both in the middle on the bottom. You seem much less fussy than you had been, so I think that may be it for right now anyway.

Mama sacrificed her finger to your jaws of steel for this picture.

You're welcome. You can thank me later. :)

Your personality is developing by the minute! 95% percent of the time, you are the happiest baby I have ever seen. When you're really tired or you're not feeling well, you are a Momma's girl through and through. You only want me, and I refuse to complain. I know that it won't be like this for long, so I'm soaking up every hug, kiss and cuddle that I can. You now have a distinct angry face and voice too. The voice is much lower than your regular babbling and Momma can't help but chuckle at you when you do it. You're just so darn cute, even when you're mad!

You absolutely love your feet, and despite the tons of toys you have, they are your favorite thing to play with!

You are a million rays of sunshine in my life, my sweet girl. You fill my heart with the purest joy. Every single night, I thank God for the miracle and blessing you are in my life.

As always, I look forward to the adventures that await us. You continue to teach me more about myself and life every day, and I'm so grateful God chose me to be your Mommy.

I love you to the moon and back, sweet girl!
Mommy

*Edit 7/7/11* You finally had your 6 month well visit today and you are 17 pounds 13.5 ounces, and 26 inches long. You are right on track based on your previous appointments. The doctor was impressed with how well you were sitting up on your own and babbling like a maniac. :)

YAY!

2011-06-21T15:17:00.000-04:00

Today, the scale read 0.2 pounds LESS than my pre-pregnancy weight! Thank you breastfeeding and good genes! Pre-pregnancy body, well, we're not there yet. Don't think I'll ever be, to be honest. But that's okay. I'll take what I can get! Only 1.8 pounds to go to get to the weight I was before my 2 losses. :)

Feeling crafty

2011-06-15T11:00:00.000-04:00

That's right, I'm feeling crafty, but lacking inspiration. What are your favorite craft blogs? I don't have a sewing machine, but I'm looking for anything fun I can make for Audrey or with her when she gets a little bigger. Cute gift ideas or home decor ideas are welcome too. So what are your favorite blogs or websites to go to for craft inspiration? Ready? GO!

Audrey - 5 months

2011-06-05T11:37:00.001-04:00

Audrey,

You’re 5 months old now (plus a week because mommy is so bad at writing your letters on time) and what a fun little 5 month old you are! Daddy and I were just looking through our cell phone pictures of you and talking about how much you’ve grown already! You’ve grown from a tiny little peanut to Mommy’s sweet little girl!

You smile and giggle all the time now. And you give the BEST kisses! Mouth wide open, you come in for a kiss and slobber all over whomever you’re loving at the time. Mommy likes to call it her daily baby spit facial.

You’ve found your feet and love to stick them in the air and kick around. You also love your little activity bouncer. Your legs are still too short for it, so we raised it up and put a box under your feet. You bounce and play with the toys, and push the buttons to make the music play. You just love it and it can keep you entertained for almost an hour!

Your first tooth is starting to pop through too! It’s just a little white dot right now, but it definitely explains all the drooling and the random cries that sound like you’re in pain. You chew on your fingers and gag yourself multiple times a day from sticking them in a little too far. We also have to be careful because you love to throw yourself backwards, arch your back and hang upside down. You throw yourself back so quickly that we have to hang on tight to you all the time just in case!

One of your favorite parts of the day is rocking on the front porch with Grampy when he gets home from work. I have to admit, it's one of Mommy's favorite parts of the day too.

You took your first long road trip to visit your Auntie Amanda and Uncle Ryan Memorial Day weekend, and for 8 hours in the car, you did fantastic! You went in the pool for the first time and hated it, which surprised me because you love the tubby so much. You spent lots of time cuddling with your Auntie and Uncle Ryan and let them "practice" on you since their little boy will be here in September.

You're stronger and stronger by the day too! You wiggle yourself in circles, push up on your hands and toes, and I have a feeling it won't be long until you're crawling all over the place (or *gasp* even walking!).

You are the prettiest, happiest, most loving little girl and everyone is completely infatuated with you!

Especially Mommy! I love you to the moon and back sweet girl!
Love Always,
Mommy

Mother's Day

2011-05-08T11:20:00.000-04:00

Happy Mother's Day!

This year, Mother's Day has new meaning to me. I am so grateful for the sweet little girl that God has given me to nurture and love. And I am even more grateful than ever for my loving Mom. Thank you, Mom, for teaching me how to be the best mom!

Today, as I snuggle my sweet little miracle baby, I remind myself never to take her, or our journey to have her, for granted. My thoughts, prayers and love go out to all the beautiful women who so badly want to be moms, but are struggling with infertility or miscarriage. You are not alone. ♥

Audrey - 4 months

2011-05-03T11:37:00.000-04:00

Audrey,

You're now 4 months old (and 5 days) and Mommy can't believe how fast you're growing. This month you rolled over!! Mommy has not been able to capture it on camera yet, but you easily roll from your tummy to your back. Going from your back to your tummy is a little bit more difficult for you, but you have accomplished it a few times. Most of the time you make it to your side and then flop back to your back.

You continue to be Mommy's happy little girl. You only fuss or cry when you're really hungry and Mommy's not moving fast enough for you, or when you're over-tired. The other day when we were playing, you actually giggled for the first time. Baby laughter is the most joyful sound, and your laugh just makes Mommy's heart smile.

In the morning, you love to do tummy time and bat at the toys on your playmat with Mommy. If it's nice out, Mommy will put you in the Ergo carrier and we go for a walk together. You don't make a sound on our walks, but your head goes back and forth, from side to side, the whole time we're walking. You look around in amazement, discovering the world and it makes Mommy so happy. It is like I have finally found my purpose in life. I love teaching you and introducing you to the world, and I love experiencing the world again through your eyes.

You had your very first play date this month with Miss Addison. She is the daughter of one of Daddy's oldest friends. She's about 6 months older than you so you're not quite up to her speed yet, but I'm sure that pretty soon you two will have lots of fun together!

We are starting to settle into a routine at Grammy and Grampy's house now. Daddy is working hard at his new job and I wish he had more time to spend with us. As an adult, I know that this is what it's like for him in season, but I wish he could experience you the way I am able to. Being a stay-at-home mom is not an easy job by any means, but I am grateful for every second.

Your first Easter was a very special one because you were Baptized! You were my happy, well-behaved little sweetheart in church and it was such a proud day for Mommy. You got to spend lots of time with Auntie Manda and Uncle Ryan because they were here to be your Godparents. You love them, and they are SO in love with you! We found out that your little cousin is going to be a little BOY and I know the two of you will have so much fun together!

Now to the official stats! We had your 4 month well baby appointment yesterday with your new doctor. Mommy loves her already and you seemed to like her too because you were smiling and hamming it up for her (until she gave you your shots)! You weigh 15 pounds 5 ounces and are 25 inches long. That puts you in the 83rd percentile for weight and the 76th percentile for height. The doctor said you're perfectly healthy and that we can start to introduce cereal any time we're ready now. Mommy doesn't think you're quite ready for that yet, so we're going to wait a little while longer, but maybe before next month's update we'll have tired it out.

You're outgrowing all your clothes! Your 3 month clothes are almost all too small. 3-6 month clothes fit you for now, but we're even putting you in 6-9 month clothes to give you a little more wiggle room. You have so many cute summer clothes, but Mommy is afraid you won't fit in them by the time it's warm enough for you to wear them!

Your personality is developing at the speed of light and Mommy falls more in love with you every single day. I love the way you cuddle with me and the way you love your Momma so much. I could have never imagined the connection I would feel to you and the love I have for you. With Mother's Day coming up in just a few days, Mommy is so proud to be your Mom sweet girl!

I love you to the moon and back!
Mommy

It's A Boy!

2011-04-27T09:56:00.000-04:00

No, not for us! Our little girl is more than enough for us right now. But my baby sister is due in September and they just found out yesterday that they're expecting a little BOY! I am so ecstatic for them! I love my little girl, but I think a little boy would be so fun too, in such a different way! I can't wait to meet my nephew and spoil him rotten!

If you read my post yesterday, you know that my sister and her husband were here for Easter because they are Audrey's Godparents. My sister's little 20 week baby belly was so cute that I couldn't resist taking some photos of her!

Easter

2011-04-26T21:08:00.001-04:00

We had a very special Easter Sunday this year - Audrey was baptized! It was a perfect, beautiful day and I'll just let the photos speak for themselves.

The cake I made for my sweet girl.

Homemade blueberry muffins & lemon cupcakes.

Sour cream coffee cake.

Adorable Easter basket cupcake wrappers.

Baby girl and Auntie getting ready to go to church.

Being baptized!

"The water went right in my eyes and I didn't even cry!"

My sister and brother-in-law are Audrey's Godparents.

Audrey is the 3rd generation to wear this Christening gown!

My mother and her siblings wore it.

It was worn by my sister and I, along with our cousins.

It was worn my my cousin's daughter, and now Audrey!

My sister and brother-in-law bought her a beautiful gold bracelet and my parents bought her a cross necklace. She looked so precious!

Me and my perfect baby girl!

Smiling at Daddy in her polka dot Easter dress!

A new chapter

2011-04-06T11:41:00.000-04:00

Today, a new chapter starts for our family. My husband started his first day at his new job this morning. This job is a tremendous opportunity for him to further his career. In his starting this new job, I have started my new job as a stay-at-home mom. With the location of his new job, we are starting a new life near our families. All wonderful things.

There are many other changes for us starting today too. We woke up this morning giving ourselves a clean slate. Allowing ourselves a fresh start. Its hard to do - leaving the past in the past and moving forward, believing in ourselves and believing that we deserve a fresh start. And we do deserve it. At any point in time, if we are unhappy with the direction our life is going, we have the ability to change course. It takes courage and faith, but we are the creators of our own happiness.

And so we've changed course. We're look forward instead of back. And there are so many good things ahead for us.

Audrey - 3 Months

2011-04-01T12:46:00.095-04:00

Audrey,

You turned 3 months old on Monday and I'm just getting around to writing your letter now. It has been one crazy month for all of us, and I'm amazed at how well you have transitioned!

At the beginning of the month, Mommy went back to work and it was definitely harder on me than you. You stayed home with Daddy and took the bottle like the perfect little angel that you are. I still nursed you at night and in the morning before work, and we never had any problems going back and forth between bottle and nipple. Mommy wasn't fond of pumping at work, but I'd do anything for my sweet baby girl.

Speaking of nursing, this month you started putting your hand behind your head with your little elbow sticking out like you are maxin' and relaxin' while you're nursing. Mommy thinks its the cutest thing on God's green earth! And Mommy's milk is definitely doing your body good because all your 0-3 month clothes are getting too small. 6 month clothes are still a little big, but at least you're not all scrunched up in them!

Not only did you give us the easiest time with nursing and the bottle, but you're now sleeping a 7-8 hour stretch when we put you down to sleep at night. Usually we put you down about 10pm and you'll sleep until 5 or 6am. Mommy will change you and nurse you and you go right back to sleep until around 9am! Mommy is very, very grateful for all the uninterrupted sleep!

All that sleep and milk are making so strong and you can sit up in your Bumbo without any help! You are also starting to like tummy time more and we see a difference every single day.

The faces you make are so stinking cute Mommy and Daddy can't even stand it. We smile at you and laugh with you every single day!

We also survived the whole month with only one car because Grammy and Grampy brought Mommy's car back to their house to get the power steering lines fixed. You and Daddy drove Mommy to work every day, and you loved that Mommy sat in the backseat with you. It was selfish really - Mommy wanted to spend as much time as possible with you seeing that she had to spend all day at work. But it was on our morning drives to work that we discovered you LOVE Taio Cruz's song Dynamite. You smile like crazy and love when Momma sings it to you.

While Mommy was at work, you and Daddy were packing up our whole life. The day Mommy went back to work, she gave her notice. Being the nice person that she is, she gave 4 whole work weeks worth of notice. She worked until the 27th and we drove away from our old apartment on the 28th. Crazy, I know! Luckily, Grammy and Grampy helped us take all of our stuff back to their house in a few trips so that on that last day we just had to pack a few things up in the car, clean the apartment and leave.

And now we're at Grammy and Grampy's house for a little while. Daddy starts his new job on Wednesday and Mommy gets to be a stay-at-home mommy! With everything happening so quickly, its nice that Grammy and Grampy are letting us stay with them while we look for just the right place for our little family. Mommy is so excited to be close to our family again, and for the opportunity Daddy has at this new job!

But like I said, you've handled the transition like we didn't change a thing! The last few days while Mommy and Daddy were unpacked and settling in, you slept in your swing or smiled at us happy as a cute little clam! Today you even had a big milestone, but we'll save that for next month's letter since Mommy is so late writing this one!

We love you so much our smiley little peanut!
Love,
Mommy

She'll never know her real name...

2011-03-09T21:17:00.002-05:00

...alternately titled, "What did we actually put on her birth certificate?" Honestly, she may be 10 before she knows her name is Audrey because we call her:

cheetah baby

pumpkin

punkin

punkin face

punky

sweet girl

choocharooni

choocharoo

choochy

hunny buns

poopydoo
sweet cheeks
chunky cheeks
peanut
pee pee nut

And those are just the most common ones! Poor thing is going to be so confused!

Audrey - 2 Months

2011-03-01T18:50:00.000-05:00

My sweet girl,

This letter is a day late, but only because your 2 month check-up wasn't until today. Momma's milk is definitely doing your body good and you are now 23 5/8 inches long, tipping the scales at 12 pounds, 7.5 ounces! You have the cutest chunky cheeks and Momma just LOVES kissing them!

The doctor says you're just perfect and I definitely agree. But in addition to your check-up, you also got your first shots. You screamed like nothing I have ever heard and it just about ripped Mommy's heart in two. But after about 30 second of cuddling you fell right to sleep and napped most of the afternoon.

This month has been so much more fun than your first month of life. You're smiling and cooing all the time now. And I mean not just the random smile here and there. You are such a silly, happy baby! That cute grin melts my heart every single time. Now that you're big enough not to use the newborn sling on your little tub and you can sit right in the water, you love bath time. You kick your feet and smile and talk to Mommy and Daddy the whole time.

You're also stronger and more observant. You love it when Mommy or Daddy walk around the house with you so you can look around at the world. Diaper changes are much more pleasant now that your diaper rash is gone too. Mommy was right - it was yeast and it started to clear up as soon as we started the prescription cream.

We spent lots more time at Grammy and Grampy's house and you even got to spend a few days with Auntie Amanda since she was up for a visit. Auntie is pregnant with your cousin and she didn't put you down for 3 days straight. She loves you so much pumpkin and she is going to be such a great mommy too.

There are lots of big changes on the horizon for our little family sweet pea. Mommy goes back to work tomorrow and she is so so sad to leave you. You'll be with Daddy so I know you'll be fine. And Mommy will be pumping milk for you at work, but I'm going to miss you like crazy. I'm also afraid that you'll give Daddy a hard time with the bottle or that you won't nurse as well anymore.

I know it's not forever though. Mommy just has to put on her brave face and make it through this month. There are even bigger changes on the horizon for us my sweet sweet girl. Without saying too much just yet, opportunity knocked and Mommy and Daddy opened the door nice and wide!

You continue to fill our hearts with love, joy and pride hunny, as I know you will for many years to come!

I love you so very much,
Mommy

Our sweet baby girl

2011-02-15T17:35:00.000-05:00

Audrey is now 7 weeks old and I think we're starting to turn a corner. We're tired, but it's manageable. And I mean, REALLY, who could resist this face?!

Yesterday, we took her to the doctor because she's had a diaper rash for 5 out of her 7 weeks of life. 2 weeks ago at her 1 month check-up, I asked if it could be a yeast infection rash. The doctor told us no. I was then diagnosed with mastitis and then a yeast infection of the breast. We tried A&D, Desitin, Butt Paste, Flanders, baths with vinegar, sitting without a diaper, cloth diapers, disposable diapers - the list goes on and on. It wouldn't go away. I hated watching her cry every single time we changed her diaper. So I called the doctor back because with my diagnosis, I knew it had to be yeast. And miraculously, it's a yeast infection rash!! Hmmmm...

Anyway, the prescription cream started making a HUGE difference after the first 2 times we applied it. And the difference we see in her is amazing too. She had started cooing and smiling more the last few days anyway, but today, she's so adorable! Talking away, not crying at diaper changing time. She even went 3 1/2 hours between feedings! During the day she usually only lasts a 2 hour stretch.

So we couldn't be happier about that! She's also sleeping longer stretches at night. The other night, she slept a 6 hour stretch following by a 3 hour and a 2 hour stretch!

I have 10 pounds to lose before I'm at my pre-pregnancy weight, but I'm surprisingly comfortable in my new body. Instead of torturing myself trying to get back into my pre-pregnancy pants, I bought new pants that fit and flatter my new body. Hopefully I'll get back in those old pants eventually, but for now I'm allowing myself to feel good the way I am.

But back to Audrey...she's sweet as pie! And we're completely in love with her! She makes us smile and laugh every day and I can't imagine our life without her. As my maternity leave is quickly coming to an end, it's going to be a struggle for me to leave her. But we have a possible opportunity looming that may allow me to stay home with her, so we're praying and praying and praying. Would you say a prayer for us too?

Being a mom is hard work

2011-02-08T13:43:00.000-05:00

I know. Everyone tells you how hard it is to be a parent. They tell you and you may even listen, but you don't fully comprehend how hard it is until you experience it. You underestimate the exhaustion. You underestimate how much a newborn needs you. You underestimate how hard it is to do other things like throw laundry in the drier.

Breastfeeding is hard work. I used to silently judge those who gave up just because it was hard. I now understand why so many people give up on it. We are currently dealing with mastitis and thrush. We're not giving up, but it would be so easy to. I can understand. The exhaustion. The pain. All the medication. It's frustrating. Luckily, through it all, she's still nursing well. So I'm hanging in there for my little chunky cheeks.

Bathing her is hard work. There are so many cute rolls and folds to try to get in. While she's screaming and slippery. Then trying to dry her, while she's screaming. Not as easy as you think.

The constant diaper changes are hard. This diaper rash that we can't seem to get to go away. We've tried everything you can imagine. It's hard on your heart. You hate to see your little munchkin in pain. You hate that you can't make it better no matter what you try or how often you change her.

Sleeping is hard. You think a few 3 hour stretches is plenty. It's not. Especially when you're up for an hour in between those stretches.

Being remotely functioning before noon is hard work. With feeding and diaper changing and just trying to get the day going, I'm lucky if I've showered and gotten out of my pajamas by 1pm most days.

I look in those beautiful little eyes and I know it's all worth it, but that doesn't change the fact that it's hard. Really hard.

random ramblings

2011-02-02T12:00:00.000-05:00

There's a few little things I've been wanting to blog about but keep forgetting, so this post is going to be a random ramblings post...

When I was in labor, the IV hurt worse than 90% of the contractions. They blew a vein in the top of my hand first and then ended up putting it in the side of my wrist - not fun! It pinched and bled while I was pulling my legs back to push.

Audrey had her 1 month well baby check-up on Monday. She is now 22 1/8 inches long and weighs 10 pounds, 1 ounce! The pediatrician seemed really pleased and said she's doing great.

Mama on the other hand...not so great. I have mastitis. Painful. Although since I've been on the antibiotic, it is getting better. But there's something else going on with my nipples (sorry if this is TMI) and they are red and swollen when she eats even though she is latching on correctly. Something I will be talking to my doctor about again at my postpartum appointment tomorrow.

Audrey is not liking the antibiotic I'm taking though. Since I started taking it, if she's not eating or sleeping, she's crying. The pediatrician assured me that it's perfectly safe for her, and that it's probably just upsetting her tummy. But the poor thing's eyes are all red from crying so much. :(

My little sister is 9 weeks pregnant tomorrow! We are so excited for her and her husband! And, of course, for our new niece or nephew! She had her first ultrasound this morning to see the baby and the heartbeat was 177. Audrey's new little cousin should be here around September 8th!

It's fun that my sister is pregnant and that I just experienced everything she's going through. She's been calling and emailing with questions and I'm glad I'm able to give her some advice. I'm praying that everything goes smoothly for her and I love that our babies will be so close in age.

We recently found out that a very close family friend has stage 4 ovarian cancer. She is a strong woman, but this will be a battle for her. Her diagnosis is weighing heavy on my heart, so if you could keep her in your prayers, I would be so thankful.

I have to go back to work March 2nd. I'm not happy about it. I love my job, but I just want to stay home with my baby girl. As a result, I've procrastinated finding daycare. I feel screwed at this point.

I'm sick of the snow. I love having all 4 seasons, but seriously, this winter has been crazy. There's no where to put all the snow! And this new mama has some serious cabin fever!

Okay, I'm sure there were a few other things, but that's all I can think of right now. I also have some serious Mommy Brain!

Motherhood so far...

2011-01-30T13:12:00.000-05:00

Motherhood so far has been beyond anything I expected. I'm more tired than I expected to be, but functioning better than I expected. My husband is more supportive than I ever could have dreamed. He rocks her and gets up every time I feed her. He takes care of me and lets me sleep or nap even when he's just as exhausted. He loves our little girl something fierce and it melts my heart to watch them together!

Audrey is a great baby for the most part. She nurses every 3-4 hours at night and every 2-3 hours during the day. She hates having her diaper changed, which I think has a lot to do with the diaper rash we just can't get to go away. We're cloth diapering, changing her often and have tried A&D and Desitin. It doesn't seem to be getting any worse, but it's not getting any better either.

But today, what's most on my mind is the myth that you're instantly in love with your baby the second he or she is born. Let me preface this with the statement that I am not depressed - I have actually never been more content and at home with my role in this life. But I think it's an important issue to address because as new moms we have too many unrealistic expectations that we hold ourselves to. We are all different. Our babies are all different. Other moms should tell us this. We should encourage and support each other, not put on a happy, ideal facade.

For me, with my previous losses, I don't think I allowed myself to fully bond with Audrey while I was pregnant with her. Though the farther along I got, the more I relaxed I became, it was always in the back of my mind that I might lose her too. I think this is a factor in how I felt when she was born, but not the entire reason.

The moment Audrey was born and they put her on my stomach, I was relieved that she was here, that she was safe. Relief was the predominant emotion I felt, not love. I loved her, of course, but I wasn't in love with her. The love I did feel wasn't that overwhelming love that you hear parents talk about, that love I feel for her now. It was a surreal moment. For me, it was almost as if it didn't feel like she was mine (despite the 3 hours of pushing I had just endured!)

But you see, it's like any other relationship. You don't know this child yet and your child doesn't know you. It takes time to develop that relationship, to get to know one another, to bond. You wouldn't expect to instantly develop a friendship or fall in love with a stranger, and you shouldn't place that unrealistic expectation on yourself regarding your child.

The bond will form though. You will fall in love once it all sinks in. For me, it happened late at night while she was nursing. She looked up at me, wide awake and at that moment, looking into her eyes, I couldn't imagine loving anyone more. She was ours. She was the product of the love my husband and I share. I had the ability to nourish her. All the toys and "things" we were given for her weren't necessary. All she really needs is the milk I am able to provide for her and our love.

And that bond continues to grow and develop. She recognizes our voices. Looks for us when she hears us. Stops crying when one of us holds her and comforts her. She knows we will protect her and love her. And despite how surreal it all seems, she is ours. We are watching our new family develop. We are feeling our love for her grow. Feeling our love for each other grow and change.

For me, she was nursing when I really felt our connection. For you? You may be singing to him, or rocking her, or watching your significant other with him. Like everything else in this life, everyone's experience is different. There is no set time line. For you it may be a minute or an hour, for someone else it may be a week or a month.

Don't hold yourself to this unrealistic expectation that the feeling is instantaneous. It is the one thing I am grateful I was told before she was born. I can only imagine the guilt I might have felt or the depression that might have followed if I thought I didn't love my daughter enough, quickly enough.

Audrey - 1 Month

2011-01-28T14:19:00.000-05:00

Audrey,

I can't believe that you are one month old already. Since you were born, it feels as though we have entered some kind of time warp and the days go by much too quickly! I can already feel the end of my maternity leave creeping up on me and I'm dreading leaving you, but I'm trying to enjoy you while I can and soak everything in!

You are already growing like a weed! Your one month check-up isn't until Monday, but I know you've gained weight because I had to pack away all of your newborn clothes. Some things you wore only once!

You hate having your diaper changed and you especially hate the bath tub. Daddy and I resorted to taking you right in the shower with us and you don't cry at all. We think you like the warm water constantly running over you.

Every day you become more and more alert. You're looking around, cooing and even smiling. Your favorite thing to look at seems to be ceiling fans, whether they are on or not. You hate the swing, but LOVE your bouncy seat! If Mommy or Daddy could bounce you on the ball or in that seat 24/7, you would be the happiest baby ever.

You have been nursing great and have had your days and nights all figured out for the most part since you were born which Mommy and Daddy are extremely grateful for! You, of course, have your exceptions, but you sleep 3 hour stretches and will go right back down after you are changed and fed.

You had your first of many road trips to Grammy and Grampy's last week and did so great! You slept the whole car ride both ways! You got to meet lots of your crazy family and friends and they spoiled you with lots of love and cuddling.

Speaking of cuddling, YOU'RE A PRO! Momma loves this because she's a cuddler too. :) You're not fond of the infant cradle hold, and would much rather be upright and snuggled into someone's chest.

You look so much like your Momma did when she was a baby, but there are times when I look at you and definitely see your Daddy. No matter who you look like, you are absolutely beautiful and precious, and we could spend all day looking at you and taking pictures of you.

You have changed our lives already and our hearts are just bursting with love and pride. We're looking forward to everything this next month will bring and love you so much sweet girl!

Love,
Mommy

Audrey's Birth Story

2011-01-09T15:46:00.005-05:00

Audrey is almost 2 weeks old and I'm just getting around to posting her birth story. This is going to be pretty long, but I want to make sure I document it before the details start to fade. Feel free to read, or not.

For the first time, my husband and I spent Christmas alone. We live almost 3 hours from our families, and with a due date of January 5th, we didn't want to take a chance that I would go into labor on the road, or 3 hours away from the hospital and doctors we were comfortable with. I was convinced she was going to be late, but I still didn't want to risk it. So Christmas day was quiet, just the two of us, but I will forever look back on this Christmas as one of my favorites because we spent the day enjoying one another, enjoying one of our last days together before we became a family of three.

On Sunday, my family came down to visit us and we went out to brunch. I was feeling some pressure that morning but just assumed it had to do with being 38 1/2 weeks pregnant. We were expecting a snow storm (20 inches!) so the family left by around 4pm. My dad was scheduled to have back surgery Monday morning, so they were staying at a hotel near the hospital he would be in, about an hour away from our apartment. That evening I had a few contractions, but nothing in a regular pattern or for a consistent period of time. Not feeling very well, I went to bed early, anxious for my scheduled doctor's appointment in the morning.

I started having consistent contractions about 2am Monday morning. I got up and went in the other room and timed them for about an hour before waking up my hubby. At that point they were 4-6 minutes apart and about 40 seconds long. We both decided that I should try to get some sleep, but by 4:30am I got up and started timing them again. They were 2-4 minutes apart and 50-60 seconds long between 4:30am and 6:30am when I finally fell back to sleep.

I was supposed to have a doctor's appointment at 9:30am but the office was closed and it was canceled because of the snow storm. About 1pm the contractions were still coming consistently so we called and they had us go to the hospital to be checked. I was only 2 cm dilated at that point but they kept me at the hospital because of the storm.

We walked our own little path into the hallways of the maternity ward trying to get things moving and bounced on the birth ball. My contractions were still coming consistently, but not getting stronger or closer together.

That night the nurses and my husband talked me into taking Nubain to help me sleep because I hadn't slept much the night before. This is the only part of the birth that I regret. I didn't want it and I should have stuck up for myself, but I was exhausted. In my exhaustion, I thought it couldn't hurt to get some sleep because I had a lot of work ahead of me. Instead of helping me sleep, all it did was make my mind feel very alert and awake, but my body feel drugged. It did nothing for the discomfort of the contractions and I didn't actually fall asleep until it wore off. The exact opposite of what they were trying to achieve.

At 5am Tuesday morning, December 28th, I had been having good strong contractions for about an hour so they checked me and I was 4cm. At 9am the doctor checked me again and I was 5-6cm. We walked a lot more, but my contractions had slipped back to 5-6 minutes apart and were less intense. At 1:30pm when the doctor checked me I was still 6 cm.

At this point, the doctor suggested either starting some Pitocin or breaking my water to make my contractions more productive. Trying to have as natural a labor as possible, I opted for having my water broken. I figured it could happen naturally on it's own, so it wouldn't be as drastic as the Pitocin.

After that, everything went downhill quickly. The contractions got so intense, so fast, I felt very out of control of my body. I couldn't relax. I couldn't breathe through them. I believe I can be quoted as saying, "Breathing is bullshit!" I kept feeling like I had to push and couldn't control my body. It felt like I was convulsing, doubling over with every contraction.

The nurse said that if I wanted the epidural I would need to get it now. Still wanting to have a natural birth, she walked away, giving my husband and I a minute to talk about it. I was hesitant, but then another contraction came and I was begging my mom to go get the nurse and get me the epidural.

Because I felt like I had to push, the doctor checked me again and I was 8cm at 1:45pm, just 15 minutes after he broke my water. I was begging for the epidural at that point and was so afraid that there wasn't enough time left. The anesthesiologist was there before I knew it, explaining things that I wasn't listening to as fast as he could. He got it in so fast that I could have kissed the man. I had been so afraid of the needle and the process of getting the epidural, but I honestly don't remember feeling anything but instant relief. It wasn't even close to as bad as I was expecting it to be.

It was now 2pm and the doctor suggested I sit up for half an hour to get her moving down. At 2:30pm I started pushing. The epidural was nothing like I expected, and though I didn't feel pain, I felt all the pressure and even had some movement in my legs. I couldn't feel myself pushing as much as I would have liked, but the nurse and doctor said I was pushing perfectly. The problem was, she just wouldn't come out. After 2 1/2 hours of pushing, I started to get scared that I would need a c-section. Instead, I ended up with an episiotomy and a 2nd degree tear and the doctor had to use the vacuum, but she finally came out at 5:30pm after 3 hours of pushing!

They put her right on my belly and I had her skin to skin for the first 15 minutes before they cleaned her or anything. Looking down at her, I couldn't believe that she was finally here. We tried to get her to nurse right away, which with the skin to skin time, I think has made a world of difference. She's been latching on great and nursing like a champ!

While she was on my belly, my husband and I were able to look at her and decided that her name would be Audrey Ann-Marie. They took her to clean her up and weigh her, and then brought her back to me all wrapped up. She weighed 7 pounds, 12 ounces and was 20 inches long. My mom and grandparents were there and were able to meet her just an hour or so after she was born, and my sister and brother-in-law came from the hospital where they were with my dad, to see her that night.

The epidural took a lot longer to wear off in my right leg than my left, and I had some swelling around my eyes from pushing so hard for so long, but overall I didn't have much discomfort at all after she was born.

If I had made an ideal birth plan, Audrey's birth would have been nothing like it. I was so happy that I went into it with ideals but an open mind. My husband was the most amazing coach and was so supportive of me and any decision I made. He really kept me going when I thought I couldn't push any more, and I really don't think I could have done it without him. And of course, she's here now, healthy and cute as can be, so that's all that really matters in my mind.

Audrey,
Your Daddy and I wanted you and loved you before you were even conceived. Your birth wasn't perfect, but nothing in this world is. And as in life, nothing worthwhile is ever easy, but it does happen just as it is meant to. You are our little miracle, the answer to all of our prayers. We love you so much sweetheart and can't wait to experience the world through your eyes.
Love Always,
Mommy

because...

2011-01-02T12:42:00.000-05:00

...she's just too darn cute not to share...

Happy New Year!

2011-01-01T07:10:00.001-05:00

Ten years ago last night, I kissed this boy for the first time at a New Year's Eve party. As I drove home with my friends, they all thought I was crazy. But from that night on, we were pretty much inseparable. That boy became my best friend, eventually the man I would marry, and now the father of our 4 day old daughter.

This man is my exact opposite and at the same time, my absolute perfect match. I am so very grateful for the past ten years and everything we have experienced together. It hasn't always been easy, but every experience has helped us develop the relationship we have today.

2011 is here and I know there are so many amazing experiences ahead of us this year as we begin to see the world through our daughter's eyes. There hasn't been a New Year yet that I have looked forward to with so much excitement and anticipation.

Wishing you all nothing but the best in 2011!

Introducing...

2010-12-31T12:57:00.001-05:00

Audrey Ann-Marie

Our little miracle!

Born December 28, 2010 at 5:30pm.

Weighing 7 pounds, 12 ounces.

Measuring 20 inches long.

The Nursery

2010-12-17T21:32:00.000-05:00

We still have a few things to hang on the walls, but the nursery is just about done and it's so so cute! The room is pretty small and it was hard to get pictures that actually do it justice, so you'll just have to use your imagination, and imagine it 100 times cuter than it seems! :)

The before pictures are after we moved the office furniture out.

This is the wall you look at when you walk into the room.

We have some cute ladybugs that are going to hang on the wall above the dresser here.

Two windows to your left as you walk into the room.

Wall opposite the dresser. The door to the room leads out into the kitchen.

Once we name her, we're going to hang wooden letters spelling out her name over the crib.

The wall on your right as you walk into the room has the closet,

and a little nook area.

The changing table and hamper fit perfectly into the nook.

We rent so we can't paint the walls, but I think the dark furniture ans all the pink and brown really makes the room look cute! What do you think?

37 weeks

2010-12-14T15:44:00.000-05:00

Well, since I've been so bad at documenting my pregnancy here on my blog and I'll be 37 weeks tomorrow, it's probably time for an update!

I had a wonderfully beautiful baby shower the Saturday after Thanksgiving. I have some pictures, so I'll save the details for that post...whenever I get around to it.
The nursery is just about done and is so so cute! I want to do a separate post with before and after pictures of the room, so I'll save that for another day too.
I'm still working(!) and plan to keep working right up until the 31st as long as I don't go into labor before then. I'm definitely ready to be done working, but I want as much time with my little girl as I can get when she arrives.
I'm tired all the time and my back is really starting to bother me quite a bit, but other than that I can't really complain. It's just difficult for me to get comfortable and stay comfortable.
I just went to the doctor on Monday and baby girl hasn't made any progress yet. I've gained 27 pounds so far and it feels like every ounce is in my belly.
Despite how huge I feel, everyone else seems to think I look small.
I'm so sick of repeating this a million times a day that I'm ready to tape a sign to my belly that says:

I'm due January 5th.
Yes, it's my first baby.
It's a girl.
No, we haven't picked a name yet.

I'm extremely anxious and impatient at this point. I just want her to come and I want her to come now!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2010-11-25T08:03:00.000-05:00

This year I am most thankful...

...to be home with my family.

...for my wonderfully supportive husband and everything he does to take care of me.

...that my brother-in-law is home celebrating with us, safe on U.S. soil.

...for my job.

...for my sister, whose heart and thoughtfulness never cease to amaze me.

...for my parents, who give so much of themselves and would do anything for us.

...for my health.

...for the strong, encouraging women who will surround me at my baby shower on Saturday.

...and for their generosity, love and support.

...and mostly, for this precious little girl growing inside of me. For the opportunity to be her mom. For the opportunity to watch my best friend become a daddy. For the way she has already changed our lives and for how they will continue to change and grow with her.

Happy Thanksgiving to you all!

Newport Wedding

2010-11-22T10:44:00.000-05:00

At the end of October, my cousin got married in Newport, Rhode Island. I went to school in Rhode Island, and Newport is one of my favorite places, so I was excited to spend some time there with my family.

My cousin and his now wife had a sunset ceremony right on the pier, and it was absolutely beautiful, so now I'm just going to let the photos speak for themselves!

My sister's wicked cute shoes!

My gorgeous sister!

Hot apple cider in tiny little mugs that they passed

around right before the ceremony.

Me, my hubby and our little girl :)

(Have I mentioned how much I love Lightroom?!)

This past month...

2010-11-04T19:53:00.005-04:00

...my computer has been out of commission.

...I started going through internet withdrawals.

...I had so much I wanted to blog about that I, of course, can't think of now.

...my belly has been growing bigger and bigger.

...I essentially started living in maternity yoga pants and over-sized sweatshirts whenever possible.

...I spent some time with family in one of my favorite places for a wedding (photos to come!)

...I had maternity photos taken of me and my hubby by one of my favorite photographers.

...I've slowed down quite a bit and carrying around this belly has become exhausting.

...I've grown more and more in love with this precious little girl growing inside me, that is now only 9 weeks from arriving!

Belly Pics

2010-10-04T08:23:00.003-04:00

Because it's been too long since I've posted...

Because I don't have time to write...

Because you asked...

25 weeks, 5 days

Diaper Bags

2010-09-21T14:14:00.005-04:00

I hate standard diaper bags. I think they either look childish or completely boring. The bag is for me to carry baby's stuff, not for the baby! And I shouldn't have to give up feeling stylish and sexy just because I'm a mom. Not to mention the fact that I shouldn't have to sacrifice an arm and a leg to get a stylish bag.

I also think standard diaper bags are huge. I'm not going to want to lug that huge thing around. People are trying to convince me that I need a standard, huge, waterproof diaper bag. I'm not convinced.

I found this bag on Etsy that I really like. So my question for all you moms is: What do you honestly think in terms of it's functionality as a diaper bag? Is it big enough for the essentials? Is it a big deal that it's not waterproof?

Pregnancy thoughts

2010-09-20T13:18:00.002-04:00

I had my gestational diabetes test this morning, and even though it's not something I would willingly drink, I didn't think it was quite as bad as everyone makes it seem.

I've always slept on my side. Always. But sleeping on my side makes my hips ache like crazy now. I must flip sides at least 4 or 5 times a night.

Speaking of sleeping, I think the pillows I stuff around myself are taking up more space in our bed than my hubby and I combined.

I am 24 weeks & 5 days pregnant, and so far I've gained 12 pounds.

I'm okay with the weight gain because it's all in my belly so far, but my back isn't liking it too much. You wouldn't think 12 pounds would make that much of a difference, but it definitely does.

The doctor told me today to make sure I get a flu shot. I don't really believe in flu shots, so I don't know how I feel about this.

I religiously rub cocoa butter on my belly twice a day. I don't know if I really believe it will prevent stretch marks, but it certainly can't hurt and my belly is super soft.

I have a wedding to go to in a month. I tried on my favorite black satin peep-toe pumps with my new dress and they are too tight. My feet aren't swollen either. I cried.

No, I'm not kidding, I cried over shoes. But they are beautiful, sexy shoes that I was looking forward to wearing.

I booked our childbirth class for November. *REALITY CHECK* I actually have to give birth in 3 months. Terrifying.

My hubby and I agree on 2 names for baby girl, but I'm not in love with either of them. One of them I really like, but the possible nicknames people may call her are horrible to me. The other name I'm not completely crazy about, but I absolutely love the nickname we would call her. My all time top 2 names were taken by my hubby's brother and friend in the last 2 months, so I would feel weird naming her one of those.

So, any baby girl names you want to share to help us out?? I'll tell you my first 2 choices that we can't use were Sophia and Addison. Nicknames would have been Sophie or Addie. And her middle name will definitely be Ann-Marie, after my mom and sister. Any suggestions?? Please?

A letter to my daughter - 24 weeks

2010-09-15T08:16:00.000-04:00

Dear baby girl,

Today, I am 24 weeks pregnant with you, a milestone they say is important because you would have a chance of survival if you were born now. Getting to this point has been a long journey for your Dad and I. Someday, if you want to know, I'll tell you about your siblings in Heaven and everything we went through before you were conceived, but this letter is about you.

When I found out I was pregnant with you, I was excited, but hesitant. I tried so hard not to let myself get excited. My brain kept telling me that it was too early and that I might lose you too. But my heart...my heart couldn't help but be excited!

In the beginning, I worried a lot about you. I had very few pregnancy symptoms and you were such a good little girl to your Mama, which any pregnant woman would dream about. But me, I worried, because with no symptoms, I had no reassurance that you were okay in there. Your Daddy told me not to worry and that you would be just fine, but it was always in the back of my mind.

Seeing you on ultrasound, moving around, twisting and turning - it was pure heaven for me. After one of our ultrasounds, the doctor had some concerns about your health, so we went to see a specialist. I was terrified. After another ultrasound, the specialist seemed to think you were perfectly fine, but there was only one was to know for sure. To find out though, we would have to risk losing you, and that is not a risk we were willing to take. Since then, I've felt calm and confident that you are okay though. And whether you are born completely healthy or not, your Daddy and I will love you beyond words.

You are kicking me all the time now. That in and of itself is a huge relief - a constant reminder that you are inside me and doing just fine. I'll never forget your Daddy's face the first time he felt you kick. He had been jealous for a couple weeks that I could feel you and he couldn't. And then one Sunday morning, you were kicking so hard that I felt the kicks from the outside for the first time. I called your Daddy over and put his hand on my belly. I tried not to react and when you kicked his head turned to me so fast and a huge smile spread across his face. It is a smile that I will remember and treasure for the rest of my life.

Every single one of your kicks is pure joy and love for me. (Even the ones when you're kicking my bladder and sending me to the bathroom every 5 minutes!) You have no idea how much your Daddy and I love you, baby girl. We can't wait to meet you and hold you in our arms. We can't wait to teach you and experience the world for the first time again through your eyes. We can't wait to love you - although we already do - more than words can ever describe.

You are the answer to our prayers, baby girl. We thought that by having you, the overflowing amount of love your Daddy and I have for each other would be directed to you. But already we have learned that the love we have for each other continues to overflow, only now our hearts are overflowing with love for you as well. Marriage is not easy, baby girl, even with someone you love as deeply as your Daddy and I love each other. And we know that raising you will not always be easy either. But if there is one thing we teach you baby girl, I hope you learn that nothing worthwhile is ever easy and true love - pure love - really is worth the struggle.

Continue to grow healthy and strong in there baby girl. Before we know it, you'll be here with us, and as excited as we are to meet you, you have some more growing to do first. There are so many people waiting for you, that love you so much already. You'll soon learn that your family can be crazy, but despite that, you will be surrounded by more love and support than you can even imagine.

I love you more than I could ever write in words,
Mommy

Fenway

2010-09-13T14:31:00.008-04:00

My husband and I started dating during football season. Don't believe me? I'm a Yankees fan and he's a Red Sox fan. Yes, you read that correctly. Baseball season is interesting in our household. But we live just outside of Boston, so I'm a bit lonely here in Red Sox Nation!

Anyway, last Tuesday, my hubby and I went to a Red Sox game. He got free tickets from someone at work, and despite my team loyalties, I love Boston (the city) and going to live baseball games, so we made it a date!

As it turns out, Ali from the Bachelorette was throwing out the first pitch at that game. Ali grew up in the town right next to where I did, and my husband grew up with her, so he knows her and her family. So it was exciting to see a little of our small-town roots in the big city!

I, of course, brought my camera, and had more fun taking photos than watching the game. (Though, I have to admit, I enjoyed the fact that the Red Sox lost!) But enough chatter...you probably just want to see the photos...

Our baby girl's first baseball game!
(23 weeks)

Ali and Roberto

Warming up.

I don't think he'd be smiling and waving at me
if he knew I was a Yankees fan! ;)

Just before Ali threw out the first pitch!

LOVE :)

My day in photos

2010-08-29T15:29:00.006-04:00

Last night, one of my very favorite people came to visit me! We chatted for hours as baby girl kicked the heck out of her hand. ♥ This morning, we went for an hour and a half long walk, chatting and taking photos along the way. It was exactly what I needed and I'm so glad she came to visit! And despite our chatting, I actually got some good photos!

And she got some beautiful photos of me and my preggo belly! :)

This last one is my favorite that she took today! Love it! Love her! Love my baby girl in there!

Tomorrow? Marathon shopping day with my mom to start my baby registries! :)

Baby Products

2010-08-27T20:13:00.002-04:00

I have a fun, action packed weekend ahead of me and I'm really excited!! Tomorrow night after work, I'm picking my best friend up from the train station and we're going to spend the night chatting and catching up. She's staying overnight, and Sunday morning we're going on a walk/photo adventure together! We both love photography so it should be lots of fun, not to mention I may even have some belly pictures that I didn't take of myself!

Sunday night, my mom is coming and we are going to spend the day Monday creating my baby registries! :) And this is where you come in! I'm obviously a first time mom, and my mom hasn't been a first time mom in 27 years. So...

What baby products could you absolutely not live without?

What do you consider a waste of money and space?

I have a list of basic needs, but please share your mommy wisdom with me!

Blessings

2010-08-22T17:55:00.004-04:00

I am blessed to have this baby girl growing inside me.

I am blessed to have seen her in 3D.

I am blessed with a husband who loves me and this little girl beyond words.

This morning, I was blessed to watch his face light up with joy, pride, excitement and pure love when he felt his baby girl kick for the first time.

I am blessed to have that memory for the rest of my life.

I am blessed.

It's a...

2010-08-19T08:45:00.006-04:00

...GIRL!!

If you follow me on twitter, you probably already know that, but I hadn't officially blogged it yet!

We had our standard anatomy ultrasound on a Friday. The ultrasound tech didn't say much, so we assumed everything was looking good. Baby had her legs crossed for almost the entire 30 minutes though. The ultrasound tech told us that she got 2 quick peaks and she couldn't be positive, but that she thought it was a girl.

On Monday, I got a call from my doctor. Apparently, the baby had a choroid plexus cyst and an intracardiac echogenic focus. Big, scary words, I know. (I'm not really going to go into explaining them.) Basically, she wanted me to see a specialist for another ultrasound and had taken the liberty of scheduling an appointment for me for Wednesday. She said that they see these 2 things often, but not often together. They can be found on completely normal, healthy babies, or they can be soft markers for Down's Syndrome and Trisomy 18.

I hang up the phone with the doctor and cue the googling of choroid plexus cyst, intracardiac echogenic focus and trisomy 18. Bad, bad idea. Cue tears. Lots and lots of tears. I was pretty much freaking out for a day and a half.

Wednesday I went for my ultrasound with the specialist. It lasted almost an hour and the ultrasound tech and specialist told me everything they were looking at and looking for. They told me the same thing my doctor had, that these things can just disappear on their own, or they can be soft markers. They call them soft markers because they always look for something else with them. All of the baby's measurements were right on or even a few days ahead of my due date. They didn't see any other markers and everything seemed to look perfectly healthy. In addition, the integrated screening I had a few weeks prior gave results that were completely normal. According to the measurements and my bloodwork, the chances of this baby having Down's Syndrome or Trisomy 18 were less than 1 in 5000. That is a very low risk.

Of course, knowing all this is reassuring. But the only way to know for sure whether the baby had either of these genetic disorders before birth would be to have an amnio done. My husband and I discussed the amnio for a few days, but ultimately decided against it. The risk of miscarriage with an amnio is 1 in 200. Given all the measurements and bloodwork, and taking into consideration our past losses, that wasn't a risk we were willing to take. The reason to do it would be to relieve the anxiety of not knowing and to prepare if necessary, we would never consider terminating the pregnancy. It seemed selfish to take the risk of miscarrying our child just to ease our minds.

Do we both want to know for sure? Yes, absolutely. But I have just prayed that we are able to go on with this pregnancy and not worry about it either way. When our baby girl is born, the doctors will be prepared for whatever may happen. I have to let go of control and trust that He has a plan. Honestly, the specialist eased my worries quite a bit. She saw absolutely nothing else that even came close to suggesting this baby had a genetic disorder. And she said that these 2 disorders are detected by ultrasound on 90% of babies that have the disorders.

So we don't know for sure, and that is a little nerve-wracking. The plus to all this? I see a few. I was reminded with a swift kick in the rear to have faith, to trust fully. We got to see our baby girl in 3D - absolutely amazing! And she is definitely A GIRL! We are so very excited and can't wait to experience the world again through her eyes. Genetic disorder or not, she is the biggest blessing in our lives. I couldn't be more grateful.

Battle with the Bathroom Scale

2010-08-08T08:13:00.003-04:00

When I was younger, I was really overweight. No, I'm not exaggerating. Really overweight. (April can I get some verification of this fact for everyone else please?) Anyway, sometime around 8th and 9th grade I lost the weight. I became more active, and taught myself about nutrition and moderation. I taught myself not to use food as an emotional crutch, but as a way to nourish my body. I focused more on how my body felt and how my clothes fit, than a number on the scale. And I was able to keep the weight off. The was no yo-yo battle with weight like a lot of people talk about, it was a lifestyle change for me. Even in college, I never gained any weight. I think I actually lost a few pounds. But again, I never got on a scale. I had no desire to and gauged my weight on how my body felt and looked physically, and how my clothes fit.

Enter pregnancy. The emotional demons of being overweight are coming back to haunt me. Now before you go into your comments of "You're supposed to gain weight." and "You're growing a child." hear me out please. (Yes, I know that punctuation was incorrect. No, I'm not going back to fix it.)

I couldn't be happier to be able to grow this baby inside me. I have no problems with my body image. I think my growing belly is actually attractive and suits my body well. My husband thinks my belly is overwhelmingly sexy, so the fact that I hear it from him every day is a huge boost to my confidence. My normal clothes obviously don't fit. I have no problem with that. I know my body won't be the same after the baby is born, but I also know I'll lose the weight and get back to some kind of normal.

My problem is the scale. After years of never even thinking about stepping on that damn thing, I now feel like I have to get on it every morning. And that number going up every day upsets me. That's it, just the number. It's all psychological, I know. I really don't care about the number given the circumstances. It's just seeing it. It takes me back to a place when I wasn't happy with my body image.

I don't eat any differently. I nourish my body and my baby with healthy, wholesome foods. I indulge my cravings in moderation just as I have over the years. The amount of food I eat hasn't even changed much. With the addition of a protein bar for a snack between lunch and dinner, the foods and proportions of those foods that I am eating are exactly the same. I know that it is baby, and blood, and my boobs etc. that are adding the weight, and not food. I just can't stand seeing that number.

It is a battle for me. I try to convince myself every morning not to get on the scale, but I always fail. I'm not eating less or exercising more to do anything about the number, I wouldn't even think of it. I know it's going up for a very good reason. But still that number upsets me.

I'm seriously considering asking my husband to hide the scale, but then I'll see the number at the doctor's office, so what's the point in that. So if you have any tips on convincing this insecure child inside of me that isn't thinking logically about pregnancy to ignore that silly number, I would greatly appreciate them.

Quick Update

2010-08-06T19:44:00.002-04:00

Well, as it turns out, I predicted correctly and our child is just as stubborn as its parents! Baby had its legs crossed almost the entire 30 minutes of my ultrasound today! The ultrasound tech said she got 2 quick looks and thought it was a girl, but couldn't be positive.

She didn't say much else. Took a lot of measurements and everything seemed to look good! Heartbeat was strong. She said they'll go over everything with us at my next appointment, which is August 23rd.

Don't know if they'll give me another ultrasound or not, but I will definitely be asking about it at my next appointment. If not, I may just pay to have a private scan and find out. There's a place in Boston that does 3D ultrasounds, but also offers a 2D gender prediction ultrasound for only $69.

What's most important is that the baby seems healthy, and that's all that really matters to us. Right now? I'm tired and have a killer headache, so I'm going to lay down.

Boy or girl???

2010-08-04T20:48:00.004-04:00

In less than 48 hours we get to see our little bambino again.

In less than 48 hours we'll (hopefully) know whether that little bambino is a boy or a girl.

In less than 48 hours I'll pretty much be on cloud nine. :)

Neither of us really cares if it's a boy or a girl, but my hubby thinks it's a boy and my instinct is telling me it's a girl. Just about everyone else I know thinks it's a girl too. Below is a belly comparison from 7 weeks and today at 18 weeks. So what do you think? Boy or girl??

(Please refrain from commenting on my cottage cheese thighs. Thank you kindly!)

There are good people in this world

2010-08-03T08:55:00.002-04:00

Last night, I was talking to my sister on the phone as she drove home from work. We were mid-conversation when all of a sudden she said, "Hold on a second." A man who had been driving behind her pulled up beside her and motioned for her to roll down her window. She did and he simply said, "Thank you so much for your sacrifice."

She has a bumper sticker on the back of her car that reads, "Half my heart is in Iraq." The number of people who see that bumper sticker in any given day is great. But this man took 20 seconds to acknowledge not just her husband's sacrifice serving in Iraq, but her sacrifice.

I hung up the phone with her and this man had me in tears. Yes, I'm a little hormonal, but there are good people in this world still. That is so incredibly reassuring. Being pregnant, one of the things I think about often is the world we are bringing this child into. It's certainly not the same place I grew up in. Honestly, it's a scary time we live in and I worry about how difficult it will be for our child to navigate this world. But people like my sister, and her husband, and this random man reassure me.

So thank you, random man, for restoring my faith that there are good people in this world.

music to my ears

2010-07-28T08:02:00.002-04:00

I had a routine doctor's appointment yesterday afternoon. These appointments seem pretty much pointless to me. Pee in a cup, weight, blood pressure, ask how you feel, listen to baby's heartbeat and you're done. Wait 20 minutes to be done in 5. Though I have to admit, I'd go every day and wait hours just to hear the baby's heartbeat.

You see, I've felt great so far. No sickness, no headaches, pretty much completely normal. If I didn't know I was pregnant, I wouldn't have any idea. You're thinking, "B@#$&, stop complaining!" right? The problem? I worry. With my history, how can I not? I can't feel the baby move yet, so even though I know intellectually that the baby is probably fine, the preggo hormones take over and I worry that something has happened to the baby and I just don't know it.

But hearing that heartbeat...I'm telling you...there's no sound in the world as beautiful as that! Hopefully I can make it to next Friday without worrying and then we get to see our little bambino again! :) And then we'll know if it's a boy or a girl!

Any of you have guesses on the sex???

The naming game

2010-07-27T10:59:00.004-04:00

I was just having a conversation about baby names with Sonya on Twitter, and it prompted me to want to elaborate in more than 140 characters!

We don't know if we're having a boy or a girl yet, but my hubby and I have already started a list of baby names. Unfortunately, we don't agree on very many names. Names I love, he hates. The few names he has suggested just aren't my style. The only thing we agree on are middle names.

If we have a little girl, the middle name will be Ann-Marie, after the two most important women in my life, my mom and sister. Ann is my mom's middle name and Marie is my sister's middle name. My sister will also be the baby's Godmother. They are both strong, independent, caring women, and what better legacy to pass on to our daughter than the legacies of these amazing women.

If we have a little boy, the middle name will be David, which was the first name of my paternal grandfather who passed away in 2003. Growing up, we only got to see our paternal grandparents once a year because they lived so far away. Despite that, I always had a very special relationship with my grandpa and I loved being his little "princess." So I feel very strongly about honoring him in this way, if we are blessed with a little boy.

There are first names that my hubby and I agree on, but nothing that we are dead set on or are absolutely in love with yet. Sonya asked if we will be sharing the name once we decide and my answer is a definite NO. We will share after the baby is born, but no one will know before, not even (or especially not even) our family. (That, of course, is assuming that we agree on a name before the baby is born!)

We both have family members that do not hesitate to share their opinions, whether they are asked for or not. Let me state this clearly: I do not care what anyone other than my husband thinks of our child's name. However, I feel that if I hear people expressing negative opinions about a name that I love, that I will start to question the name myself, and I don't want that. So we will not share the name. It's as simple as that. Once the baby is born and named, hopefully they will fall in love with the new little soul, now a physical part of our family, and the name will be less of a focus. At that point, the baby will be named, and there will be no changing it anyway.

So what about you? Did you and your significant other have trouble naming your child/children? Did you share the name ahead of time?

16 weeks 5 days

2010-07-26T15:05:00.002-04:00

Just popped-out out of nowhere the last few days! :) Mostly took the photo because I love how cute my maternity jeans make me feel! ;) (Never thought I'd say that!)

The details

2010-07-15T18:53:00.005-04:00

Okay, so I know yesterday was a tease! But in true Wordless Wednesday fashion, I couldn't include any words. ;) So today I'll fill you in on all the details, and answer email questions I received.

I'm 15 weeks and 1 day pregnant.
My due date is January 5th.
Yes, I've known for awhile, but I wanted to wait until after I told my boss to share it on the internet.
Don't feel cheated internet buddies, the majority of my friends and family have only known for about a week.
Yes, I am both excited and extremely nervous, but everything seems to be going really well this time.
We've actually seen our little bambino on ultrasound 3 times already and he or she is a little tumbler in there!
My next ultrasound is August 6th and yes, we will be finding out the sex as long as baby cooperates.
I feel great besides being tired all the time. No sickness really. So I can't complain.
No, I'm not "showing" yet, so you can't see a belly picture. I have grown and we are taking weekly pictures, but clothed it's not noticeable yet.

I think that answers all the questions I received. Thanks for all your prayers along the way and for your congratulations wishes now. We feel so blessed and excited, and are just praying for a healthy, full term pregnancy, a safe delivery and a healthy baby!

Brace yourselves, my posts may now revolve around this little miracle growing inside me. :)

Wordless Wednesday

2010-07-14T19:01:00.002-04:00

Graduation Festivities!

2010-07-12T09:47:00.015-04:00

I've been busy on my days off lately, traveling around all over the place, and next week is no exception. But this week? My 2 days off are going to consist of a lot of just sitting around and relaxing. So today, you'll get to finally see some pictures from my sister-in law's college graduation. I can't believe my she graduated in May and I'm just posting pictures now, but we had a really great time up in Vermont visiting her and we couldn't be more proud!

Her name on the list of almost 3,000 graduates!

Receiving her diploma!!

The UVM mascot

Me and my hubby with the graduate!

Her and her awesome boyfriend.

The fam minus 1 brother.

Stairs down to the beach at the lake.

Popping some champagne for a celebratory picnic at the park!

Downtown Burlington

Me and my hunny

That's it for today! More photos of my adventures soon hopefully! But no promises ;)

Blue skies

2010-06-29T11:05:00.002-04:00

Sorry I haven't been around! It's been blue skies and daisies for us lately. Explanation coming soon!

Busy Bee

2010-06-03T09:13:00.001-04:00

I'm alive! Can't believe it's June already. Hope you guys are all doing great! I have a bunch of photos to post, but I've been traveling the last few weekends and too tired to post when I get home after work. Stay tuned... :)

Blueberry Muffins

2010-05-19T08:16:00.000-04:00

Someone gave me a new blueberry muffin recipe, so yesterday I tried it out and boy were they yummy!

Blueberry Muffins

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
3/4 cup sugar
1/2 tsp salt
2 tsp baking powder
1/3 cup vegetable oil
1 egg
1/3 cup milk
1 cup blueberries

1/2 cup sugar
1/3 cup all-purpose flour
1/4 cup butter, cubed
1 1/2 tsp cinnamon

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Grease or line muffin tin (for 6 large muffins).

Combine first 4 ingredients. Add oil, egg and milk and mix until blended. Fold in blueberries. Distribute batter evenly among 6 spots in muffin tin.

Combine last four ingredients and mix with a fork. Sprinkle topping over muffin batter.

Bake 20-25 minutes or until done.

These were SO YUMMY! The recipe called for fresh blueberries, but I had some frozen, so I used those and they worked fine. I also put in a little more than a cup. I'm not a big fan of measuring if you hadn't noticed. ;) I love that they're large muffins too. The only problem? It only makes 6 and they're so good, they'll be gone fast!

My hubby bit into one this morning and said, "Where did you buy these?" I laughed. He said, "Seriously, there's no way you made these." Yes, hunny, I did! And now, so can you!

Chicken Pot Pie

2010-05-18T18:44:00.004-04:00

It was cold and rainy today, and I was feeling domestic, so I baked blueberry muffins and made a chicken pot pie for dinner. They both came out really good, so I thought I'd share the recipes with you! I'll post the chicken pot pie today and the muffins tomorrow!

Chicken Pot Pie

1 box refrigerated pre-made pie crusts
1/3 cup butter
1/3 cup onion, chopped
1/3 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1 (14.5 oz) can chicken broth
1/2 cup milk
2.5 cups shredded chicken
1 (12 oz) bag frozen mixed vegetables (peas, carrots, corn and green beans), thawed

Heat oven to 425 degrees. Lay 1 of the pre-made pie crusts into a 9" glass pie plate and trim edges.

Melt butter of medium heat. Add onion and cook 2 minutes, stirring frequently until tender. Stir in flour, salt and pepper until well blended. Gradually stir in broth and milk, cooking and stirring until bubbly and thickened.

Stir in chicken and mixed vegetables. Remove from heat. Spoon chicken mixture into crust-lined pan. Top with second crust and seal edges. Cut slits in the top crust.

Bake 30 to 40 minutes or until golden brown. Cover crust edge with foil for the first 10-15 minutes to prevent excessive browning. Let stand 5 minutes before serving.

The pre-made pie crusts made this recipe super easy! A few of my adjustments:

- I didn't measure the onion. I just chopped a medium onion so it was probably a little bit more.
- I also didn't measure the chicken. I boiled 2 large breasts, shredded it, and put in what I thought looked good. (I used the rest to make chicken salad for my lunch tomorrow!)
- I thought it was strange that there were no herbs in the recipe so I added a little bit of dried sage.

Yummy, comforting and easy! Perfect!

2 weeks?!

2010-05-17T14:55:00.002-04:00

Wow! Has it really been 2 weeks since I blogged last?! I am alive, no need to worry. Just busy! Went to see my mom for Mother's Day and spent a few days with my parents. My husband was away for a week and I am very glad he's home. Just made myself baked stuffed mushrooms for lunch, sat down and opened my blog and was in shock that my last post was May 4th. I know this is random and all over the place, but I'll try to be back soon with a more comprehensible post!

Today...

2010-05-04T11:17:00.004-04:00

...my heart is breaking for my little sister. My brother-in-law left this morning for a 6 month deployment in Iraq. I just cried with her on the phone, wishing I could be there with her, to hold her and make her feel less alone.

Lord, please wrap Your loving arms around my sister.
Give her the strength and courage to get through
this difficult time.
Help me to be there for her, to give her the love
and support she needs.
Please protect my brother-in-law as he serves our country.
Fill him with Your love and strength.
Amen.

Green Monster

2010-04-28T09:01:00.000-04:00

(And no, Bostonians, this is not a reference to Fenway Park.)

Around Christmas time, I had the opportunity to sit down with my best friend and discuss the year that had just past. When we got past the heavy part of the conversation, she told me that she was going to start drinking this drink called the Green Monster that she had recently discovered. When she described it to me, it sounded disgusting! But she said that it was supposed to increase your energy and help you not crave sugar as much, so I thought I'd give it a try.

Honestly, this drink looks really gross and I thought the texture was going to be a big deal for me, but it's actually not bad at all. My husband will even drink it! Let me tell you, if he will drink something good for him, it can't be that bad! The website says to drink it every day, but my best friend and I both went to every other day without even talking to each other about it.

If I'm being honest again, I haven't noticed an increase in energy or that I'm craving sugar any less. But it actually just tastes like banana and it's super easy to make, so I figure it's just an easy way to get a few more fruit and vegetable servings into a day.

The website has lots of variations of the recipe on it. Below is how I make mine:

Green Monster

In a blender, combine the ingredients below in the order they are listed.

2 tablespoons flax seed
2 cups raw baby spinach
1 banana
1/4 cup frozen blueberries
1 cup milk

Blend until smooth. Enjoy!

See? Looks NASTY! But if you can get past the look (and please, PLEASE don't smell it!) it REALLY DOES just taste like banana!

Manual settings and kitchen utensils

2010-04-27T10:07:00.000-04:00

I used to use the manual settings on my camera all the time. But lately, I've just been setting the aperture and letting the camera do that rest.

Well, yesterday I decided to experiment a little bit around the house and that meant photographing anything from throw pillows, to vases, to plants, and even kitchen utensils:

I really love the one of the whisk! I'm actually thinking about framing it for my kitchen.

Proof...

2010-04-26T11:27:00.003-04:00

...that I can keep a plant alive:

Do you see that? It's a new little leaf growing out of my orchid!

My hubby is the plant caregiver in our house. I'm bad at remembering to water them. I actually had an orchid a few years ago and killed it. But my mother-in-law gave me this orchid for Christmas and I was determined to keep it alive.

My mom has a beautiful orchid, so I asked her for some tips. It turns out you only have to water it once a week! Perfect for me! But when my blossoms fell off, I was convinced that it would end up dying and I would never get it to blossom again. It hasn't blossomed again yet, but when I saw this new little leaf growing, I was SO excited!

Dear Tufts...

2010-04-25T08:33:00.002-04:00

Thank you for your letter reminding me that my health insurance is past due. See the thing is though, I would have gladly paid it on time, as I do every month, if I had ever received a bill in the first place. Your kind customer service representative assured me that I must have received it. Let me assure you, I did not.

You might think that I have the due dates and amounts of all my bills memorized, but let me assure you again, I do not. There are simply too many bills to pay. I would walk around depressed every day if I had to do that. You have now received your payment, out of my own pocket because my employer pays none of it. Next month, please actually send me a bill. I will gladly pay it on time and we can avoid this conversation.

Sincerely,
Irritated and broke

empty arms

2010-04-21T09:10:00.005-04:00

*Warning* This post was written in several sittings. It is very long and emotional. Please don't feel obligated to read it. As with all of my posts, it was written more as therapy for me than anything else.
*********************************************************

So, you know I haven't been blogging very often and you might even realize that the last 9 months have been a difficult road for me. But up until now, I haven't shared the details of this road I've been on. I honestly thought it was better to keep it to myself. I didn't want to put my burdens on the shoulders of anyone else. I'm not one who seeks sympathy or pity. I don't like to ask for help. I don't like how doing so makes me feel weak.

However, I feel that I'm at a point where it will not only be liberating to share, but reading my journey might give someone else hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

If you've read my blog for awhile, you know that in September, I was in a car accident, hit by a man who ran a red light and almost t-boned my car. Although I was not physically hurt and my car was fixable, it was terrifying. Terrifying, yes, because it could have been much, much worse than it was. But also terrifying because I was pregnant.

Yup, I was pregnant. And my husband and I couldn't have been more excited! I was not very far along, only about 7 1/2 weeks, and hadn't even seen my doctor yet. But as I'm sure you can imagine, I could not have cared less if I was okay after the accident, all I could think about was the baby. And so, even more terrifying things ensued. I was put in a neck brace, strapped to a backboard and taken to the hospital in an ambulance.

Have you ever been strapped to a backboard, while wearing a neck brace and been taken away in an ambulance? It's really scary. There were 2 EMTs and a police officer all asking me questions at the same time and I couldn't see any of their faces. All I could see was the ceiling of the ambulance. Terrifying in and of itself, but then there was the chaos inside my head...

We got to the hospital, and because they had been unable to reach my husband yet, I was by myself and the tears started. I'm not talking a few tears here, I'm talking about a hyperventilating, ugly cry. The emergency room doctor determined that I was okay and told me they'd like to do an ultrasound but that because I was not that far along, the baby should be protected inside me and not to worry. Yeah, okay...I'm not going to worry. Typical man.

Despite this, I started to calm down...until my husband showed up. He was crying, I was crying and he wouldn't let go of me. Then they wheeled me away for the ultrasound. My fear turned to excitement and then quickly back to fear.

The ultrasound technician didn't say anything to me for the entire 20 minutes that she was performing the ultrasound. Nothing about what she was seeing, not a comforting word, nothing. Silence. And you didn't have to be an ultrasound tech to see that there was nothing on the screen. My heart sank.

After waiting a ridiculously long time, the doctor came in and told us that they didn't see a pregnancy on the ultrasound, but that they wanted to run some blood work because it just might be that I was not as far along as I thought, and that it was just too early to see anything on the ultrasound.

They did the blood work, we waited another ridiculously long amount of time, and the doctor came back to tell me I was pregnant but, from the numbers, I was only 4-5 weeks. Intellectually, I knew this was impossible, but I allowed my skepticism to be brushed aside and agreed to follow up with my doctor on Monday so that he would let me leave that wretched hospital.

Then, the roller coaster of blood work began. My hCG levels went up, but not at the rate they should have, then they went down. I miscarried and my doctor gave me another ultrasound. But wait, then there was a second implantation site. Apparently, I had been pregnant with twins and it looked like I had only lost one. My hCG levels started going back up, but again, not at the rate they should have. A few weeks later, I lost the other twin as well.

My emotions were up and down every other day. I knew it wasn't because of the accident, but I wanted to blame that man who hit me anyway. I was seriously struggling. I had never experienced a lower low. I really can't explain in words the emptiness I felt inside. And at that point, the hospital had more of my blood than I did. My hCG levels were going down abnormally slowly. It took 4 months for the pregnancy hormones to completely leave my system, when it only should have taken a few weeks.

4 MONTHS! Which brings us to January. At this point, I had pretty much dealt with the sorrow, depression and extreme emotions. I won't go into the details too much more than that, but I can tell you that it was an extremely difficult and trying time for me. So, my body was finally back to normal and my doctor gave us the go-ahead to try again if we wanted.

Miraculously, I became pregnant again right away. However, just a few days after I found out I was pregnant, I was pretty sure I was miscarrying again. Two rounds of blood work later, we saw that my hCG levels were going up, but just like the first pregnancy, they were not going up at the rate they should have, so in we went for another ultrasound.

This time, the ultrasound tech finished and told us that my doctor was not in but that she was going to have the other doctor in the practice come in to discuss the results with us. We knew something was wrong, only it was much more serious than we had expected.

My pregnancy was ectopic. And right there in the doctor's office, with this strange doctor we just met 30 seconds before, we had to decide whether I wanted surgery to remove the pregnancy from my left tube or a shot of methotrexate (chemo) to dissolve it. And we had to decide now. Decide how to end this pregnancy - that happened to be growing in the wrong place - but that to us, was already our child. We were heartbroken.

To me, both options had their down sides, but the methotrexate shot seemed less invasive. So off to the hospital we went, where they had me go to the labor and delivery ward. They said they administer the shots there so it feels like a safe environment, but if I'm being completely honest with you, it's the last place I wanted to be...

I sat there for a ridiculously long period of time (much like my emergency room visit a few months earlier) waiting for the results of all my blood work to come back, so they could confirm it was safe to give me the shot and determine how much to give me. As I sat in that room on the labor and delivery ward, there were babies crying and being wheeled down the hallway past my door. There were pregnant women in labor walking the hallways, preparing to give birth to their babies. And as I was sitting in this room listening and watching, it felt like the farthest thing from a "safe environment." It felt like cruel and unusual punishment.

The nurse finally wheeled my cart in. A cart not containing a child like everyone else on this floor, but with the two shots that would end my pregnancy, one destined for each cheek (and no, I'm not referring to the cheeks on my face.) She asked me if I wanted to put on a gown, and at that point, I was so ready to escape the torture that was that hospital room, I declined and just dropped my pants.

The shots didn't hurt necessarily, but pretty quickly everything started to go black and I was seeing stars. The nurse wanted me to stay for a little while, but after a glass of water and with my husband practically carrying me, we got the Hell out of there!

This time around, the physical pain was much worse than the emotional. They told me that there should be no side effects with one dose of methotrexate...liars! I have the deepest sympathy for anyone who has undergone chemo therapy, because one dose of that drug and I felt the worst I have ever felt in my life, for several days.

Thankfully, it worked though. My hCG levels went down very quickly and my pregnancy dissolved, saving my tube. And so that brings us to right about now. My body is finally getting back to normal. The frustration, the sorrow, the lack of control - it still lingers just below the surface. But I know that is okay. I am allowed to feel these emotions, it is healthy to feel them.

I know that everything happens for a reason. And despite the fact that my first two pregnancies ended in loss, our marriage is stronger, the love I feel for my husband is stronger, I am exponentially stronger. Whether we have a child naturally, through some kind of medical assistance, or through adoption, I know we will have our family some day. I know that there is a plan for my life, and for our life together. I know that these experiences are just small parts of the journey that is my life, the journey that makes me the person I am. And this knowledge is a huge comfort to me.

Today would have been my due date from that first pregnancy. I have to be honest, I'm feeling sad. We could have been celebrating the birth of our first child, the start of our family, but instead I sit here with empty arms. I will not let the sadness overwhelm me though, because despite the sadness, my heart is full of hope. For the deeper sorrow burrows its way into your being, the more room you have for joy and love to fill that space when the sorrow has been washed away.

Prayer Request

2010-04-18T18:37:00.003-04:00

No fancy intro or lead in today, I'm just going to cut to the chase. We've know for awhile that my brother-in-law, who is in the Air Force, will soon be getting deployed for six months. We've now found out that his deployment date will probably be May 2nd.

I'm writing tonight to ask anyone who reads this to please send any positive thoughts and prayers you can to him and my sister. I will be praying that he is able to remain focused and alert, that he feels our love and support while he's there, and for his safe return home to us. I will also be praying for strength and courage for my little sister during what is sure to be an extremely difficult time for her.

I believe very strongly in the power of prayer, and I can't tell you how much it would mean to me if you would join me in these prayers.

Food Revolution

2010-04-16T20:03:00.005-04:00

Have you guys seen Jamie Oliver's new show Food Revolution? I'm loving this show! I think it's exactly the wake up call this country needs!

You see, I was really overweight growing up. I mean really overweight. I taught myself about nutrition and exercise. I was able to lose the weight and become so much healthier, so this is an issue that is meaningful to me. But when I did it, I took the initiative myself. No one taught me. No one told me that it is not just a diet, it's a lifestyle change. And no one is teaching these kids, the future of our country, about nutrition. Until now...

This Food Revolution, it's not about just eating carrot sticks and saltines and being super model skinny. It's not about that at all! It's about putting real, wholesome, nutritious, tasty food in our bodies, in our children's bodies. It's about cooking from scratch and knowing what you're eating. It's about moderation, not deprivation. It's about eliminating chemicals, additives and preservatives from our diet.

So I think it's great that Jamie is going into these schools and trying to get rid of all the easy to make, processed crap. And we as a country need to support that and make sure our schools have the funding to feed kids nutritious food.

But it goes beyond that. It's not just the kids that need help. We live life on fast forward in this country. We work too hard and too long, and we don't take the time to slow down and take care of ourselves and our family.

Is cooking like this more expensive? Unfortunately, yes. But if you read my blog regularly, you know about when I was laid off for 6 months. You know that last year my husband and I took new jobs and now bring home only slightly more than half what we were making before. We are able to pay our bills, but we pretty much live paycheck to paycheck. It is stressful at times, but we are able to make it work! You plan your meals around the produce that is on sale that week, you cut coupons, and you do what you have to do because if you don't, you won't be around for long.

Does cooking like this take more time and effort? Again, yes it does. But you can find and come up with recipes that only take half an hour, or that you can throw in the crockpot before you go to work. (I love my crockpot!) My husband and I cook dinner together every night. It is our quality time together. When we find that our prep is done and we're waiting for something to boil or cook, he sings to me and we dance together in the kitchen. It doesn't have to be a burden.

Do we have kids yet? No. But I'm positive that when we do, we will still do this. We may adjust recipes to make them quicker or easier, but we'll still use real food. I know we'll do this because it is an issue that is so personal to me. And that's why seeing Jamie change the food in schools means so much to me, even though I don't have children.
So now, whether you watch the show or not, I'm asking you to sign Jamie's petition if you believe in what he is trying to do. Just click the Food Revolution button above and it will take you directly to the petition. Jamie wants to take this petition to the White House, to try to save America's cooking skills and improve school food, and I think we need to support him!

Below, you can see a video of Jamie asking for your help too!

How much?!

2010-04-16T09:38:00.000-04:00

Have you ever watched that show Say Yes To The Dress on TLC? The budgets that some of these women have for their wedding dresses are OUTRAGEOUS! $15,000 for a dress you're going to wear once??? What are you thinking???

I remember feeling guilty when my parents offered to buy my wedding dress, and it was only around $700! $5,000 - $10,000 - $15,000...really?! $15,000 is more than we spent on our entire reception!

It really makes me wonder if these people are thinking about and planning for their marriage at all, or if they are just planning an extravagant party. Do they really have this much money burning a hole in their pocket (or Daddy's?) or are they going into debt for this dress?

Working in the wedding industry, I see the stars in brides' eyes all the time. They want to create a fairy tale day, and I completely understand that. I really do. I wanted that day myself. But within reason. In my opinion, a wedding day should be a celebration of the couple and their love, of the commitment they are making to one another. It should be about sharing that with the people you love. The focus should be on the marriage and preparing for that lifelong commitment.

But that's just my opinion...

New life

2010-04-13T14:10:00.007-04:00

We live in a society where we're constantly living in fast forward. Too often, we don't take the time to slow down and really look around us. Spring has sprung and so much new life is popping up around us. My hubby and I took some time yesterday to enjoy and appreciate it!

Young at heart

2010-04-07T08:51:00.006-04:00

My hubby, he's young at heart. He is my perfect balance. He keeps me young at heart. So when we saw these on our hike Sunday...

...I knew we were going to have some fun!

I may need a tetanus shot afterward, but it would be fun!

He didn't thing I could lift him off the ground.

He took it easy at first...

...but then...

...things got a little crazy!

He keeps me young, and I love him for it!

His love

2010-04-06T08:43:00.003-04:00

My husband loves me. There is no doubt about that. But he has another love too...

Sunday, when we were hiking, my hubby suddenly walked right off the path. "Where are you going?" I asked him.

"You don't see it?" he responded as he bent over to pick something up.

That man of mine, he loves golf. And he can find a golf ball anywhere we go!

Easter Hike/Photo Adventure

2010-04-05T10:41:00.013-04:00

Today, I'm laid up on the couch. I think I tweaked my back at work on Saturday when it was so busy. I got home Saturday night after being stuck inside all day, and we went for a walk so I could enjoy what was left of such a nice day. Yesterday morning, I thought I was just sore from running around so much the day before, so my hubby and I went on a two and a half hour hike. It was a beautiful day and we had a lot of fun, but by the end I was hurting.

I spent the rest of the afternoon yesterday barely able to move and in a lot of pain. This morning I feel a little bit better, but I doubt I'll be moving very far from the couch today. So I figured since I'm laying here, I'd share some photos from our fun day yesterday! I took a lot of photos, so I may spread them out over a few days.

And we're off...

Spring

My love looking for fish.

I love the shadows in this photo.

Reflection

Do you see the heart?

Random runner

♥ Our initials are not here, but they are
on a tree somewhere. ♥

This tree is growing through a rock!

Squirrel with no place to go.

A burl.

Does anyone know what this marker in a tree means?
I just liked it because my initials are SP. :)

Old sign. I wonder what it used to say...

Looking for fish again.

I love this man!

My hubby knocking to see if David the Gnome is home.

Okay, I think that's getting long enough for today! I'll post some more photos from our awesome day tomorrow!

Happy Easter!

2010-04-04T10:09:00.002-04:00

Wishing you all a very happy Easter! Enjoy your family, enjoy this gorgeous day, enjoy some chocolate, but most of all take some time to reflect on the true reason we celebrate this day!

i ♥ faces {dramatic b&w}

2010-03-29T13:41:00.006-04:00

This week, the i ♥ faces theme is "Dramatic Black & White." I love, LOVE, LOVE black & white photos!! Emotion and lighting become so much more prominent when you aren't distracted by color, and that is one of the reasons why I love this photo of my sister-in-law so much!

She is completely in her element and stunningly gorgeous!

Overcoming Adversity

2010-03-25T09:41:00.001-04:00

The last 8 months, I totally feel like this little flower trying to make it's way through all those rocks towards the sun.

Roasted Chick Peas

2010-03-24T08:15:00.001-04:00

If you read my blog or follow me on Twitter, you probably know how much I LOVE chick peas. I'll eat a whole can in a sitting, straight out of the can, with a little Italian dressing on them or blended up into some yummy hummus.

I recently came across a recipe for roasted chick peas and I am absolutely ADDICTED! They are my new favorite snack, so I had to share with all of you!

Roasted Chick Peas

1 can chick peas
olive oil
salt
garlic powder
your choice of seasoning

Preheat oven to 450 degrees. Drain chick peas and dry on paper towels.
In a bowl, toss with a little bit of olive oil, garlic powder and salt to taste,
and your choice of seasoning. The recipe I found called for cayenne, but I'm not
a big fan of spicy, so I used rosemary instead. Spread them evenly on a cookie
sheet (I line mine with foil for easier cleanup.) Bake for 30-40 minutes, watching them
carefully at the end to make sure they don't burn, until golden and crispy. I also
noticed that mine popped quite a bit so I put a loose piece of foil over the top
just to keep them from popping off the cookie sheet.
You can eat them warm or room temperature, but I guarantee they'll
be gone before they cool! Enjoy!

Photo Adventures

2010-03-23T09:44:00.009-04:00

It rained yesterday and it's pouring again this morning (figures on my 2 days off!), but despite that, we've actually had some really beautiful weather here lately! So of course, the hubby and I are taking advantage of it, getting outside and walking. I just love our walks! We always have the best conversations when we're walking together, and we're getting fresh air and exercise on top of that!

Sunday, we decided to take my camera with us on our walk. I think one of our problems as a society (myself included), is that we live life on fast forward. If you slow down, and take the time to look around you, you can find some pretty interesting things!

And boy did we find some interesting things on our walk turned photo adventure on Sunday!

We decided to walk in a different direction than we usually do and came across this fabulous couch out on the curb! Yes, it was filthy and quite warn, but come on, look at that color and pattern! It is so old and interesting! You could tell that the side was up against a wall or something because the color was much less faded and the fabric much less warn. I love the shape of the couch too - so classic!

Excited by our first find, we kept walking towards a more industrial area. This lone tree popped out at me against the brick building. I just love brick, especially when it's warn and weathered - it is so interesting and has so much character! Something about the fact that this tree didn't have any buds on it yet struck me too. So I snapped this shot and we kept walking.

I love the repetition of these two doors, and the shadow of the ladder in this shot. I hate how there's a large shadow from the truck that was parked next to it, but I couldn't go asking someone to move the truck so I could take a photo! lol

This was the next building past those two doors. I love the splashes of red in the painted windows, and I love the barbed wire protecting this old building.

As we moved from the industrial area into a more residential area, we even saw signs that spring has sprung!

I had fun on our little photo adventure and my hubby was really getting into it too! We saw a lot more fun, interesting things, but I think this post is getting long enough for today. I'm hoping to make this a more frequent adventure, but the hubby starts back to work next week, so we'll see if we actually make the time for it. You can certainly be sure that I'll share our cool finds when we do though!

Happy Saint Patrick's Day!

2010-03-17T09:09:00.004-04:00

May you always find blue skies above your head,
shamrocks beneath your feet,
laughter and joy aplenty,
kindness from all you meet,
good friends and kin to miss you
if ever you choose to roam,
and a path that's been cleared by angels themselves
to carry you safely home.
~Irish Blessing

Fresh Baked Bread

2010-03-10T07:23:00.001-05:00

Yesterday, I made my first loaf of homemade bread in my new breadmaker. I'm telling you, that little window on top...

...it's such a tease. And when you finally open it up...

...it smells just like Heaven. Waiting for it to cool enough to take it out of the pan...

...is simply torture, but man oh man, is it worth the wait!

Photography

2010-03-08T10:49:00.002-05:00

Did I tell you all that I started a photography blog?? I think I did, but I can't really remember and I don't feel like searching through my archives. So, if you don't already visit it, come check out the view through my viewfinder, my Blue Eyed Perspective!

A lot of the photos I post there are repeats of photos I post here, but I do post them larger there and the blog has a totally different feel. I hope you all enjoy it!