Remembrance ♥

October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Studies show that 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. Yes, 1 in 4! Having lost two pregnancies myself, and having many friends that have suffered through this as well, this is a day I always try to acknowledge in some way. As difficult as it can be to share our experiences, I think it is extremely important that we do so, so that women (and men) know that they are not alone. The loss and hurt of this experience is enough to deal with; but the shame and loneliness so many of us feel is unnecessary.

I now have a beautiful daughter that I thank God for every single day, but I also have babies in heaven that are forever a part of everything I do. If you have read my blog for a while, you know about my losses. For me, the raw and often times debilitating emotions that I once experienced are not a part of my daily life anymore. My faith tells me that my babies are in Heaven, and I have found my peace. But that does not mean that when I think back on that dark time in my life that those emotions don't come flooding back.

I feel fortunate to have found healing. But many people struggle for years with the depression, raw, deep and ugly sadness, numbness, "Why me?"s and "What did I do wrong?"s. For others, their loss is a fresh, new wound threatening to tear back open at any moment.

Part of this day of remembrance is the tradition of lighting a candle from 7 pm to 8 pm on October 15th. Done in every time zone, this will create a continuous wave of light across the entire world in remembrance of all babies lost. I will be lighting my candle tonight to remember my own babies in Heaven, and sending love and prayers to anyone suffering through this horrible, crippling, painful time. It is something that never leaves you, but with time, prayer and the sharing of our experiences does come healing. ♥

Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day!

This year, Mother's Day has new meaning to me. I am so grateful for the sweet little girl that God has given me to nurture and love. And I am even more grateful than ever for my loving Mom. Thank you, Mom, for teaching me how to be the best mom!

Today, as I snuggle my sweet little miracle baby, I remind myself never to take her, or our journey to have her, for granted. My thoughts, prayers and love go out to all the beautiful women who so badly want to be moms, but are struggling with infertility or miscarriage. You are not alone. ♥

My heart is filled...

...with prayers of love and strength, hope and healing today for every woman and man that has suffered the loss and pain of a miscarriage.

October 15th marks Pregnancy Loss Awareness Day. Statistics show that 1 in every 4 women will suffer a miscarriage in their lifetime. Please take a moment today to say a prayer or send some loving thoughts to all the women and men that have suffered this loss, never being able to hold their child in their arms.

No matter where you live in the world, at 7pm your time can you light a candle and keep it burning for one hour in memory of all the lost babies and in support of their families.

If everyone in every time zone does this there should be a continuous wave of light for a full 24 hours.

This roller coaster is my life

Sometimes something can come into our lives that we think is such a blessing. We think that life couldn't possibly get any better. Then, what we thought was such a good thing for our life is taken away.

I've been on quite the roller coaster of emotions the last couple weeks. At first, I was holding on as tight as I could to that bar in front of me on the roller coaster car I was sitting in, doing everything I possibly could to keep myself grounded and not completely lose control.

After a few days, I let go of the bar in front of me and just threw my hands up in the air. Up or down, this roller coaster is my life, and if I don't enjoy it and move forward, it's just a waste.

Sometimes, we have to lose something we think is good for us, something we think is good in our life, in order to make room for something great to happen. And that is the attitude I am trying to have. Everything happens for a reason. Maybe this thing that I thought was so good, was really something that I wouldn't be able to handle at this exact moment in my life.

And that car I'm sitting in on the roller coaster, God is sitting right next to me and is in complete control. He knows each twist and turn, each up and down. I do not need to know they are coming, I do not need to understand them. They have a purpose. My husband is sitting on the other side of me, holding my hand, and I am sandwiched between the most love and strength that could ever exist. In the seats in front of me and behind me are my family and friends. They are right there with me, protecting me, supporting me and guiding me.

How do I know this? I consider myself a pretty self-aware person, and I know that I do not have this kind of strength within myself. I know that it is God's strength flowing through me. I know that my family and friends who are praying for me, and thinking of me, and sending so much love my way, make that strength flow stronger.

I want to write about everything that's going on. I want to share what I'm feeling with other people who are feeling this way, because I know it can feel like a very lonely place to be. But I'm just not comfortable putting it all out there yet. Until then, I'm going to try to get back to writing about every thing else going on in my life, and taking more photos to share with all of you!