It's amazing how much you can grow in a year...

While I was in my hometown for Christmas, I was able to spend some time with my best friend and exchange Christmas gifts. We sat in her parents' living room and just talked. We talked about how we were sitting in the same exact place one year ago and how different our lives were then. We had both just been laid off and although we suspected it was for the best, we were both terrified.

It is amazing how much you can grow and learn about yourself in a year. My extremely talented and creative best friend has started her very own business! I have taken classes in something I truly enjoy for no reason other than to do something I love. That something I love to do has been noticed and appreciated by other people, and 6 of my photographs will be displayed in a coffee shop in my hometown for the entire month of January.

I have found a job working with good people, a job that I truly enjoy and often makes me happy. I have learned that that is more important than any amount of money!

I have learned so much about myself. I have learned that I don't have to meet anyone's expectations but my own, and I decide what those expectations should be.

I have experienced great joy and even greater sorrow.

I love my husband infinitely more than I did and we have grown so much in our marriage.

I have learned that I don't always have to be the "rock." I have allowed myself to be vulnerable and to let other people help me and support me.

With the help of some of you, I have grown in my faith. I have seen and experienced the power of prayer in a whole new way.

2009 has most definitely been a year of growth for me, growth that has been documented right here on this blog in even more ways than I have just written. I feel blessed to know all of you, and to have your support, friendship, and often, your prayers.

I have nothing but hope for 2010 - for myself and for you. I have experienced things this year that at the time I never would have imagined I could survive. And survive them I have. In fact, I feel I have thrived.

So for 2010, I'm wishing you all health and happiness, confidence in yourselves, the strength and courage to follow your dreams, friendship and love.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Merry Christmas!!

It's a day late but Merry Christmas everyone! Christmas Eve and Christmas are always REALLY busy for us, so I didn't have time to post but I wanted to share a few photos.

We spend Christmas Eve at my Gram's house. There's always a ton of food and we exchange gifts with my mom's side of the family. This year was great because 2 of my cousins have kids now. It's a lot of fun to experience Christmas through a child's eyes again.

No matter how old we get, my parents still go all out at Christmas! Our stockings are hung by the chimney with care.

Presents that weren't there when we went to bed are piled under the tree when we wake up.

And there's always a huge Christmas dinner, complete with fancy linens, china and all!

After dinner, we exchange gifts at my hubby's mom's house, then we go up to his memere and pepere's house, then we go to to my great great aunt and uncle's house. So it's a very long day!!

But despite the long day, we had a great Christmas this year and are blessed to have the family we have. The best part though was that my soon-to-be brother-in-law who is in the Air Force was able to come home and surprise everyone! It was so nice to wake up Christmas morning and have him there with us :)

Happy Thanksgiving!

Since today is Thanksgiving, I thought it was appropriate to reflect on the blessings in my life and all that I am grateful for. Similar to the Love List assignment, Operation Nice recently had an assignment to Make a Gratitude List. So here goes:

I am grateful for my husband. Marriage is not easy and I'm no piece of cake to live with, but he loves me just the way I am. I am grateful that he tells me how much he loves me every single day. I am grateful for my parents' unconditional love and support. Though it is not easy for me to accept help, they constantly go above and beyond to make sure that I am happy and healthy. I am grateful that they love my husband as if he were their own son. I am grateful for my sister and the closer relationship we have developed as we have entered adulthood. I am grateful that she has allowed me to be such a big part of her wedding and all the events and planning that go along with it. I am grateful that she is happy and has a man that loves her. I'm grateful that her fiance, who is in the Air Force, is safe here in the United States. I am grateful for all of my family, including my in-laws. As crazy as they all can be, they are mine and it is an amazing feeling to know that there are so many people that would be there for you in an instant if you needed them. I am grateful for a handful of friends that I can call true, life-long friends. I am grateful that very soon I will get to meet my first niece.

I am grateful for the comfortable life we live, food on the table and clothes to wear, despite the few difficult months that are coming. I am grateful for the country I live in and all the men and women who risk their lives for my freedoms. I am grateful for the internet. I'm grateful for my health and the health of my family. I am grateful to live in New England and be able to experience all 4 seasons. I am grateful that for the past year and a half, I have been able to work side-by-side with my best friend. I am grateful for my camera and the opportunity to capture special moments and memories in my life. I'm grateful for a 5 1/2 day weekend. I am grateful for the time I have to spend with my family this holiday season.

I live such a blessed life that I could go on and on, but I think I'll leave it at that. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Marriage

Marriage is not easy. Right after we got married, everyone always asked me if it was any different being married. We had lived together for a few years before we got married and had been together 6 1/2 years, so it was pretty much the same. My robotic reply became, "It's just a piece of paper that came with a big party!" There is a lot of truth to that. Our day to day life remained the same. We knew each others' habits and already had joint finances. However, it's not entirely true.

With that piece of paper comes a lot of responsibility to each other. It is not that we didn't feel we had that responsibility to each other before, but that little piece of paper does mean something. We made a commitment in front of all of our family and friends, and in front of God. This marriage is not something I entered into lightly. My hubby knows that (as I often tell him) "he's stuck with me!" As I sit here typing, I find it hard to come up with the words that accurately describe this shift in our relationship after the wedding. Despite that, it is clear in my mind that there was one. It's a sense of seriousness, or a maturity I guess. We are bound together now: legally bound, and bound in our love for each other. I feel a responsibility to be the best "me" not only for myself anymore, but for him as well.

A marriage takes constant work, no matter how much you love each other. You have to work to keep that *spark* alive. Not just because you're worried it will fade away, but because your spouse deserves to have the best of you and vice versa. It is too easy to fall into routines and become complacent.

You have to work at communicating too. We are all different and communicate in different ways. My hubby and I are complete opposites in just about every way. I love to talk about everything and he'd just assume let things blow over and forget about it. So, it takes effort from both of us. Sometimes I have to accept that he doesn't want to talk and talking would just make the situation worse for him, and sometimes he has to talk when he'd rather not because that's what I need. It's all a balancing act.

Finances are also a common problem couples face. Again, my hubby and I are complete opposites. I'm a saver. I like to save as many pennies as possible because you never know when you might need it. When I buy things, I feel guilty. Yes, I know I shouldn't feel guilty buying things for myself once in awhile, but it is just how I am. The things I want are BIG, like a house and a retirement fund and security, so saving helps me get closer to those things. I also pay all the bills and handle all the finances, so I see the numbers every day. My hubby on the other is a spender. Don't get me wrong, he works VERY hard and deserves to buy things for himself. But he does not see the numbers every day and he doesn't think about the big things like I do. The things he wants, he wants them now! I would say that finances are the source of the majority of our arguments. This won't ever change because this is how we are, but we have learned to compromise. He has learned at times to back off the spending to allow me to save towards the things I want, and I have tried to accept that it is ok if he buys things for himself. We deserve to be happy now too, not just in the future.

I could go on and on about our differences and the work it takes every single day. This sounds like such a drag, doesn't it?! Definitely doesn't sound like the fairy tale every little girl dreams of. But it's not a drag at all! So it takes some work, so what?? Every second is worth it. It is my fairy tale. This man loves me with every ounce of his being. I see it in his eyes when he smiles at me. I feel it when he holds me tight and dances with me in the kitchen. I don't love him in spite of our differences, I love him because he is so different than me. I love that he balances my extremes and vice versa. I love that he loves me exactly the way I am. Other people may think I'm crazy. I'm very particular, some may even say anal, some say I nag. He loves me. Every marriage is sacred. No one knows how you interact and how the dynamic works between the two of you but you two. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Our love goes beyond all these things. So it takes a little work. It's not easy, but it's more than worth it. Marriage isn't just about the wedding. Too many people think that. They think it should be that stereotypical fairy tale, the big fancy wedding and happily ever after. It's not. Nothing worthwhile comes easy. It takes work. When you figure that out and throw the fairy tale out the window, it isn't a chore to do that work. It is what marriage is. Plain and simple. You do what you have to to make that person you love so much happy. And you build your own, real life, happily ever after...

Operation NICE: Make a Love List

Little miss spy and I have been trying very hard lately to do anything necessary to try and stay positive. By 9am this morning, I was already having a rough day and she sent me a link to this post on a blog called Operation NICE. At first I thought, "Great! Another blog to get addicted to and try to keep up with." But she advised me to just read this post and to do it. She planned on doing it too. I thought it couldn't hurt and it might even cheer me up a little bit. It also fits really well with my post from Saturday. So here goes:

I love how my husband dances with me in the kitchen when we're cooking dinner. I love that he loves me, faults and all, just the way I am. I love rolling over every morning and seeing him sleeping next to me. I love that no matter how old I get, to my dad, I'm always his little girl. I love my mom's unconditional, never-ending support. I love how much my sister values my opinion. I love little miss spy's youthful energy and contagious smile.

Thinking about some of the people I love did cheer me up a little bit. :) So, I decided to try out the original love list too!

I love the warmth of the sun on my face. I love the sound and smell of the ocean. I love weddings and watching the bride and groom so in love. I love capturing a moment in a photograph. I love doing things I didn't want to do and ENJOYING THEM. I love watching babies experience and discover things for the first time. I love the fall and foliage and the smell of chimney smoke. I love the first snow. I love writing and reflecting and growing.

Wow, that really made me smile!

What does your love list look like?

Blessings

I think we are all experiencing the effects of the economic crisis right now. My husband and I definitely are. He is an assistant golf professional and was laid off 6 weeks earlier than usual this year. On top of that, he does not have a job to return to next season. He was told this on a Sunday and that Sunday was also his last day. A lot of notice, right?! To make matters worse, I had been told 4 days earlier that I will not have a job past the end of December because the business I work for is failing.

I have to admit, I was in shock first. When the shock wore off, I was devastated. I cried pretty hard. We have been doing so well and trying so hard to save money to buy a house and start a family. We had so many plans for the next 2 years, and this crushed all of them instantly.

But I am trying very hard to be positive. The truth is, there are MANY people in this country and in the world that are much worse off than we are. My hubby should be able to easily find a job this winter for next season. Does losing 6 weeks of pay hurt us? Yeah, a little. But we have plenty of money in the bank and, though it will be hard for me to use our savings, I know the money is there if we need it. Does losing my pay and our insurance feel like rocks in my stomach? ABSOLUTELY! But I have been given months of notice, and I am intelligent and have a strong work ethic, so I should have no problem finding some other job.

I believe with my whole heart that everything happens for a reason. Despite the fact that this whole situation changes our plans and is a little depressing, we both think it will be good for us. We were both in need of new work environments, and have only been staying at our respective jobs to meet the financial needs of our plans. And despite how bad it seemed at first, it might not set back our plans more than a couple of months.

Life is not always easy. In fact, it's rarely easy. But that's life! We have so many blessings and so much to be grateful for every single day, despite all that is going on. We have money in the bank, we have each other and our love and a strong relationship. We have an amazingly supportive and loving group of family and friends that would help us at the drop of a hat if we ever needed anything. We are healthy, we have food to eat and clothes to wear, and we live a pretty comfortable lifestyle.

We are not "rich" if you are thinking about the term financially, and money will definitely be tight for a little while. But we are rich in every other aspect of our lives! As long as we remember that and are grateful for these blessings every single day, I know everything will work out just fine.

Are you feeling the effects of the economy too? What are you doing to cut back and adjust for this? What are you grateful for in your life?