Bye bye belly button bar

Don't you just love alliteration!

Anyway, change is a difficult thing for me. Even when I know a change is what I want, it still gives me anxiety. I'm a creature of habit and I like my routines. And like the old saying goes, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." But changes help us evolve and can often be for the better once I adjust to them.

Small changes are always easiest for me when other big changes are happening. So with the start of my new job just a few days away, I decided to make another small change. I took out my belly button piercing! Seems like a silly little change, hey?! lol But it's huge for me! I had my belly button pierced on my 18th birthday, almost 8 1/2 years ago, and I've always loved it. In fact, I still like how it looks, but I've been thinking about taking it out for a little while now and I thought now was as good a time as any!

Just having it out for a few hours now, Ive realized how much I played with it without knowing. And my stomach looks so strange to me!

With my belly button bar:

You can't really tell in this photo,
but the stone on the bottom is purple.

And without:
May look like a normal stomach to you, but to me it's so strange! We'll see if my hubby notices tonight without me telling him! ;)

Sunday reflections

I don't usually write on Sundays, but I just finished reading a book that has me feeling reflective, so I guess I'll abandon my usual routine...

It's funny how I always seem to be waiting for something in my life. And by funny, I don't mean "haha" funny, but more strange. All my life, I've been a few steps ahead of myself. In high school, I was waiting to go to college and get out of my hometown. In college, I was waiting to graduate and start working at my dream job. When my husband and I were dating, I was waiting to get engaged, and when we were engaged, I was waiting to get married. When I was married and had a real job, I was waiting to buy a house and start a family.

And while I was waiting for all these things, my life was passing me by. Someday, I'm going to look back, and all these moments I spent waiting are what will make up my life. What a boring life!

I must admit, these past 5 months have really been a transformation for me, a transformation I don't think I ever could have seen for myself. You see, it's in my nature to want to take care of other people. It always has been. I'm also a planner. The idea that you have to work your way towards what you want is deeply ingrained in me. I never allowed myself any kind of instant gratification. But while I was planning for the future and taking care of the people I love, it never really sunk in how important it was for me to take care of myself. I deserve to be happy and to enjoy my life. And not only that, but if I'm truly happy, I have more to give to the people that surround me.

The job I was laid off from is not an environment I would wish on anyone. Being laid off was, and at times still is, scary! But somehow I find that I feel incredibly blessed to have had both experiences. I always say that I'm a true believer that everything, good and bad, happens for a reason, and I am. Every experience we have had really does makes us into the person we are.

We grow and change and the obstacles we face become the "knots" in the "tree" that is our character. Our "bark" may be worn in spots, but that doesn't make us weak, and it just makes us all the more interesting and unique.
No one has higher expectations of me than I have for myself. And while I still feel it's important to expect a lot from yourself and to continue to grow and learn, I've learned that it's OK to ask for help and it's not only OK to let myself be happy, it's essential! I am not perfect and I shouldn't expect myself to be. I've unfortunately experienced far too many times, in my 26 years, that life is short. And I'm learning not to take that for granted.

So as I approach the 5 month mark of being laid off, instead of feeling entirely overwhelmed with the idea that I still don't have a job and that I'm not living up to my potential, I'm mostly feeling happy. Happy that I've learned this life lesson at 26 and not 46. Happy that I've discovered a whole new part of myself that I never knew existed. Happy that I have more of myself to give to the people I love. And happy that I've finally allowed myself to just be happy.

Change is good!

Emotionally, I had a MUCH better day today! I swear I'd be a millionaire if I could bottle sunshine! It really does wonders for my mood and attitude!

Anyway, you've probably noticed that my blog has undergone some changes! (If you're reading this in Google Reader, head on over to my blog to check out the makeover!) In an attempt to regain a little bit of confidence, I did this entirely by myself! :)
I hope you like it as much as I do and hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

Accepting defeat...

...well sort of. As you can see, my blog has undergone some major changes!! I started off designing everything myself. Though I am proud of how much HTML I learned in the process, I wasn't thrilled with the design results. So, I compromised! I used a background from the folks over at The Cutest Blog on the Block, and made my own custom header to match the background!

I'm quite pleased with the result, even though it wasn't how I set out to do it, and I hope you like the changes too!

Change is coming...

I'm not usually a person who likes change. I fall into routines easily, and I like my routines. However, change has been really good for me lately and I'm learning to embrace it! So this morning, I decided that I'm going to design a completely new layout for my blog, from scratch!!

Hang in there with me - it may take me a while to figure it all out, get it the way I want it, and get it up. But change is coming and I think this is a nice creative project for me. :)

Stay tuned...

Adjusting priorities

Last night, I was reading through some of my old posts. The last paragraph of this post, in particular, jumped out at me. It is amazing to me how true that turned out to be. When I was first laid off, I was exhausted mentally and physically. I slept a lot and spent a lot of time with my family. And now I feel renewed.

Times are tough for a lot of people, and at first, I felt bad for being so happy to be laid off. But the truth is that this was absolutely the BEST thing for me! Is money a little tight? Sure. Is job hunting frustrating? Absolutely. But, the time I have had to rediscover myself has been an opportunity that I wouldn't trade for anything.

In our lives, we take on many roles. Wife, daughter, sister, friend, employee, citizen, just to name a few. Personally, I tend to give a lot of myself. In the process, it is easy for me to lose myself. At my previous job, I lost myself. It was an environment where I constantly felt looked down upon, yet I continued to try and give my absolute best.

Since leaving, I have had time to focus on me and regain confidence in myself. Yesterday, I signed up for some courses in photography. Is taking photographs a natural talent for me? No, I don't think so. Could I really make taking photographs into a business? I'm not sure about that either. What I do know is that taking pictures makes me happy. It is something I enjoy. And I need more things in my life that make me happy. I can give and give to the other people in my life, but if I don't take time for myself, I am not giving my best to them. To take care of them and give them my best, I have to take care of myself and give myself the best.

So, that's what I'm trying to do. Will these courses make me a better photographer? Maybe. But more importantly, I think they will encourage me to be more confident in myself and to not be afraid to be creative and express myself. I think that that will not only make me happier, but will make me a better wife, daughter, sister and friend to the people I love.

Moving forward

Well, as of today I am officially laid off. I kept myself pretty busy today though. I had an appointment this morning, spent a few hours trying to get through to unemployment, not to mention an hour on hold once I did get through, and worked on the place cards and table numbers for my sister's wedding.

I am pretty positive about things right now though. I'm taking every day as it comes and I know there are great things out there for me. So I put one foot in front of the other and move forward.

Winter's on the way!

It was a whole 19 degrees when I left for the train station this morning! This was the first morning that it was clear that winter is on it's way. I was bundled up in my long wool coat, scarf and gloves and I was still shivering! As I was waiting for the train though, I noticed a man wearing shorts and a t-shirt!! Yes, I said shorts and a t-shirt! And he didn't even look cold! Brrrrrrrrrrrr....it makes me cold just thinking about him.

I love the cold and change of seasons though. It's a constant reminder of the cycles in our lives. When my hubby and I lived in South Carolina, I was miserable. They have 2 temperatures there: hot and warm. It just wasn't for me. I love the summer sun on my face, the sand in my toes and swimming in the ocean. I love the foliage and colors of fall, the smell of chimney smoke in the air and Sundays on the couch, in my big comfy sweats, watching football with my hubby. Though the short, dark days of winter can sometimes be depressing, I love the first snow, snuggling by a fire, hot cocoa and a white Christmas. Spring brings new life: flowers, sun showers, rainbows and soon the approach of summer again.

So, it may be cold now and it may get dark at 4:30 (!) but I'm looking forward to the holidays at home with my family. The warmth and love of my family is enough to keep me warm. And without the cold and dark of winter, the new life and beauty of spring wouldn't be right around the corner.