See, I don't have the best track record picking jobs. Excuse my French, but I've worked for a few MAJOR A$$HOLES! And I let them suck the life out of me. I've just gotten to a point in my life where I've figured myself out and I'm actually really happy. I'm terrified that even though this job seems great, when I start working, that it will not be what I expected or that I'll throw myself into my job 200% like I usually do and I'll lose myself again. Have I been in this pattern of taking care of myself and making sure I am happy long enough that it will stick with me?
It seems so silly and selfish and ungrateful, but besides the fact that I know we can't live off of my husband's salary alone, I've really enjoyed being laid off! I can do whatever I want, whenever I want and I don't have to answer to anybody!
I'm worried that when I start this job, they won't like me or that I'll have trouble being myself. I'm worried that I won't do the job as well as they expect me to or that I won't learn quickly enough. But mostly I'm worried that I'll get stuck in another job that I hate, with people who don't respect me, and I'll stay just to be responsible, at the risk of losing myself.
I know I shouldn't worry so much. I used to worry about everything and caused myself serious anxiety on a daily basis. Having gone a good 5 months without that tight feeling in my chest, and feeling it again now, I don't know how I didn't end up in the hospital before.
So, I'm trying hard to take deep breaths, enjoy my last few days to myself, and not worry so much. But I can't deny the fact that the nerves have kicked in! And I'm really hoping that if I start writing about how unhappy I am and get too far off the path I've set for myself, that you all won't be shy about setting me back on track!