Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Nerves are kicking in!

This week is flying by! But since it's my last week being unemployed, I kind of expected it and I'm starting to get a little nervous. Before I say anything else, let me assure you that I am excited about this job, I think this is going to be a good environment for me, and I think this job is one that I will truly enjoy! That being said, I'm also scared to death.

See, I don't have the best track record picking jobs. Excuse my French, but I've worked for a few MAJOR A$$HOLES! And I let them suck the life out of me. I've just gotten to a point in my life where I've figured myself out and I'm actually really happy. I'm terrified that even though this job seems great, when I start working, that it will not be what I expected or that I'll throw myself into my job 200% like I usually do and I'll lose myself again. Have I been in this pattern of taking care of myself and making sure I am happy long enough that it will stick with me?

It seems so silly and selfish and ungrateful, but besides the fact that I know we can't live off of my husband's salary alone, I've really enjoyed being laid off! I can do whatever I want, whenever I want and I don't have to answer to anybody!

I'm worried that when I start this job, they won't like me or that I'll have trouble being myself. I'm worried that I won't do the job as well as they expect me to or that I won't learn quickly enough. But mostly I'm worried that I'll get stuck in another job that I hate, with people who don't respect me, and I'll stay just to be responsible, at the risk of losing myself.

I know I shouldn't worry so much. I used to worry about everything and caused myself serious anxiety on a daily basis. Having gone a good 5 months without that tight feeling in my chest, and feeling it again now, I don't know how I didn't end up in the hospital before.

So, I'm trying hard to take deep breaths, enjoy my last few days to myself, and not worry so much. But I can't deny the fact that the nerves have kicked in! And I'm really hoping that if I start writing about how unhappy I am and get too far off the path I've set for myself, that you all won't be shy about setting me back on track!


Shana said...

God is in control and he has plans to prosper you and for your peace. Remember that it always helped me so much with my anxiety issues.

Lindsay said...

I would probably feel the same way as you if I was in your situation. I start my new job next month and though I am excited and ready at the same time I am wondering if I will like everyone, if everyone will like me? Will I get overwhelmed or will it be what I was expecting. I can't wait to hear more about your new job, I am sure it will be great!! Good luck!

Sonya said...

You will do great!!! and if for some reason you don't like it then I have faith in you that you will look for something else that will make you happy. Just stay true to yourself and don't make comprimises that you don't feel are the best for you.

GodseySix said...

All that you mentioned sounds perfectly normal. You will do fine, I'm sure. One of my favorite quotes that I reflect on when I get nervous/anxious/scared/worried/etc is "Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday and all is well." Seems to apply in nearly all of the instances in my life. Good luck, dear.