Wednesday, September 15, 2010

A letter to my daughter - 24 weeks

Dear baby girl,

Today, I am 24 weeks pregnant with you, a milestone they say is important because you would have a chance of survival if you were born now. Getting to this point has been a long journey for your Dad and I. Someday, if you want to know, I'll tell you about your siblings in Heaven and everything we went through before you were conceived, but this letter is about you.

When I found out I was pregnant with you, I was excited, but hesitant. I tried so hard not to let myself get excited. My brain kept telling me that it was too early and that I might lose you too. But my heart couldn't help but be excited!

In the beginning, I worried a lot about you. I had very few pregnancy symptoms and you were such a good little girl to your Mama, which any pregnant woman would dream about. But me, I worried, because with no symptoms, I had no reassurance that you were okay in there. Your Daddy told me not to worry and that you would be just fine, but it was always in the back of my mind.

Seeing you on ultrasound, moving around, twisting and turning - it was pure heaven for me. After one of our ultrasounds, the doctor had some concerns about your health, so we went to see a specialist. I was terrified. After another ultrasound, the specialist seemed to think you were perfectly fine, but there was only one was to know for sure. To find out though, we would have to risk losing you, and that is not a risk we were willing to take. Since then, I've felt calm and confident that you are okay though. And whether you are born completely healthy or not, your Daddy and I will love you beyond words.

You are kicking me all the time now. That in and of itself is a huge relief - a constant reminder that you are inside me and doing just fine. I'll never forget your Daddy's face the first time he felt you kick. He had been jealous for a couple weeks that I could feel you and he couldn't. And then one Sunday morning, you were kicking so hard that I felt the kicks from the outside for the first time. I called your Daddy over and put his hand on my belly. I tried not to react and when you kicked his head turned to me so fast and a huge smile spread across his face. It is a smile that I will remember and treasure for the rest of my life.

Every single one of your kicks is pure joy and love for me. (Even the ones when you're kicking my bladder and sending me to the bathroom every 5 minutes!) You have no idea how much your Daddy and I love you, baby girl. We can't wait to meet you and hold you in our arms. We can't wait to teach you and experience the world for the first time again through your eyes. We can't wait to love you - although we already do - more than words can ever describe.

You are the answer to our prayers, baby girl. We thought that by having you, the overflowing amount of love your Daddy and I have for each other would be directed to you. But already we have learned that the love we have for each other continues to overflow, only now our hearts are overflowing with love for you as well. Marriage is not easy, baby girl, even with someone you love as deeply as your Daddy and I love each other. And we know that raising you will not always be easy either. But if there is one thing we teach you baby girl, I hope you learn that nothing worthwhile is ever easy and true love - pure love - really is worth the struggle.

Continue to grow healthy and strong in there baby girl. Before we know it, you'll be here with us, and as excited as we are to meet you, you have some more growing to do first. There are so many people waiting for you, that love you so much already. You'll soon learn that your family can be crazy, but despite that, you will be surrounded by more love and support than you can even imagine.

I love you more than I could ever write in words,


little miss spy said...

♥♥♥ happy 24 weeks.

Tricia Nugen said...

I'm so happy for you guys Sara. And this post made me have some terrible allergies. Or at least I guess that's what it is my eyes stared watering! I hope you have the most amazing pregnancy and enjoy every momment.

Liz (Loving Mom 2 Boys) said...

What a sweet sweet letter to your little girl!! Its amazing how reassuring those little kicks can be - even when they are in uncomfortable places ;) I think no matter how many times you are pregnant and how many children you have there are some of these fears pregnant. Every week I breath a sigh of relief knowing that I am that much closer to a healthy baby.