loss and regret

I know I haven't posted vacation photos yet, but the last couple weeks have been difficult for me. I had a sinus infection, Audrey had an ear infection, and my hubby was sick, too. Then last weekend, a friend of mine passed away.

I still haven't really processed how this is even possible. I can't even come close to describing my emotions. I cry every day and regrets fill my head, as we hadn't really talked much in recent years. Why didn't I reach out to him when I saw him a few months ago? Why did we let growing up get in the way?

I know I shouldn't do that to myself. I just feel like my heart is breaking - breaking for him and breaking for his family. We had some really amazing times together though, so I'm trying to focus on that. I remember his smile, and how he hugged everyone every single time he saw them. I remember a New Years Eve many years ago where we sat outside by ourselves, while our significant others were inside, and just talked and laughed together. I remember the many times we drove hours to watch him race snow mobiles. And man, he could race!

I am so sad that he is gone at only 28 years old. I am so sad that we haven't talked and laughed together in years. And no matter how much I think about it, I can't really process it. It doesn't seem like it could possibly be real. I'm sure it will be on Saturday when we attend his services. But for now, I'm just filled with a lot of sadness, loss and regret...