Saturday, January 12, 2013

Fire and Love

My husband and I have been struggling in our marriage recently. That's not something I've really shared with very many people, and I especially haven't shared it here publicly, but it's had me thinking a lot lately. Last night, I was thinking about love and found myself comparing it to a fire.

When starting a fire, you begin with some sticks and build a base. Then all it takes is a tiny spark and a fire is born. It roars to life, large flames leaping for the sky, burning hot and fierce. It takes a little work to keep it going, but not a lot. If you consistently tend to it and feed it more wood, while being careful not to smother it, it will keep burning hotter. If you don't do the work, the flame gets smaller. On the plus side, if the flame is still there, however small, a little oxygen and fuel will bring it back. However, if you let it go out completely, you have to start from scratch again and it is a lot more work than maintaining.

Love is the same. You start with a base. You learn about each other and build a friendship. All it takes is a tiny spark and passion roars to life. If you do the work, the love continues and grows. If you grow comfortable and neglect your relationship, through too much attention or not enough, the love can diminish and even be extinguished.

I don't think the flame of our love has gone out for my husband and I, but it is pretty small right now. There are many things that have contributed to this. Without really going into the details, I can't lay blame on him alone. We both had a hand in letting it get to this point, whether through deliberate actions, neglect or complacency. And similarly, it is going to take both of us to make the flame roar to life again. I don't know if that will happen. We both may end up getting burned. Maybe we both feel burned already in our own ways. But I take my marriage vows too seriously not to try. And I have faith that there is a pre-determined path for us, whatever it may be.


Angie said...

We've been struggling as well. Ever since the kids came along we started fighting and disagreeing on everything. Its very rough. I'm Vertu sad about it and i hope we can fix it.

Sonya said...

This analogy is so true. Just keep working at it and hopefully you will be able to rekindle your love. Hugs!!!