happy

I was tired this morning.
The time change and I are not friends.
I got up at 7 anyway, my husband and daughter still sleeping, cuddling together in bed.
I went to my yoga class.
Class was invigorating today - I'm glad I went.
My blood was pumping.
I felt alive.
The sun is shining and it's warm.
I'm thinking of and ready for spring.
I found myself smiling for no reason.
Genuinely smiling.
I feel happy.
I can't remember the last time I felt genuinely happy for no reason.
Taking care of myself finally feels worthwhile and not selfish.
I am important, too.

Sunday reflections

I don't usually write on Sundays, but I just finished reading a book that has me feeling reflective, so I guess I'll abandon my usual routine...

It's funny how I always seem to be waiting for something in my life. And by funny, I don't mean "haha" funny, but more strange. All my life, I've been a few steps ahead of myself. In high school, I was waiting to go to college and get out of my hometown. In college, I was waiting to graduate and start working at my dream job. When my husband and I were dating, I was waiting to get engaged, and when we were engaged, I was waiting to get married. When I was married and had a real job, I was waiting to buy a house and start a family.

And while I was waiting for all these things, my life was passing me by. Someday, I'm going to look back, and all these moments I spent waiting are what will make up my life. What a boring life!

I must admit, these past 5 months have really been a transformation for me, a transformation I don't think I ever could have seen for myself. You see, it's in my nature to want to take care of other people. It always has been. I'm also a planner. The idea that you have to work your way towards what you want is deeply ingrained in me. I never allowed myself any kind of instant gratification. But while I was planning for the future and taking care of the people I love, it never really sunk in how important it was for me to take care of myself. I deserve to be happy and to enjoy my life. And not only that, but if I'm truly happy, I have more to give to the people that surround me.

The job I was laid off from is not an environment I would wish on anyone. Being laid off was, and at times still is, scary! But somehow I find that I feel incredibly blessed to have had both experiences. I always say that I'm a true believer that everything, good and bad, happens for a reason, and I am. Every experience we have had really does makes us into the person we are.

We grow and change and the obstacles we face become the "knots" in the "tree" that is our character. Our "bark" may be worn in spots, but that doesn't make us weak, and it just makes us all the more interesting and unique.
No one has higher expectations of me than I have for myself. And while I still feel it's important to expect a lot from yourself and to continue to grow and learn, I've learned that it's OK to ask for help and it's not only OK to let myself be happy, it's essential! I am not perfect and I shouldn't expect myself to be. I've unfortunately experienced far too many times, in my 26 years, that life is short. And I'm learning not to take that for granted.

So as I approach the 5 month mark of being laid off, instead of feeling entirely overwhelmed with the idea that I still don't have a job and that I'm not living up to my potential, I'm mostly feeling happy. Happy that I've learned this life lesson at 26 and not 46. Happy that I've discovered a whole new part of myself that I never knew existed. Happy that I have more of myself to give to the people I love. And happy that I've finally allowed myself to just be happy.

Just being me

I love to dance and to let myself be completely
absorbed in the movement.
♥
I love to be outside. Sunshine almost always
makes me smile and lifts my mood.
♥
I love the smell of the ocean, the sound of the waves
crashing on the shore and the feel of the sand in my toes.
♥
I love camping and sitting around a campfire.
♥
My universe revolves around my family.
♥
I love capturing a moment forever in a photograph.
♥
I love helping other people and taking care
of the people I love.
♥
I love being so comfortable with someone
that I can laugh, and let loose, and be silly.
♥
I love pushing my limits and doing things
I'm not comfortable doing at first, and enjoying them!
♥
I love babies and meeting a new soul for the very first time.
I love experiencing the world again through a child's eyes.

♥

I do not need to find myself. This is who I am, who I have always been for that matter. I do not need a high paying, boring desk job that seems important to define me because that is not who I am. I do not need to find myself, I need to spend more time being true to myself. I can't tell you how many times I was told I could be anything I wanted to be. For the first time in my life, I understand what that really means. I do not have to find myself, I can be exactly who I am. That is what I want to be.

Please excuse my language, but DAMN it feels good to say that, and feel it, and believe it!

Adjusting priorities

Last night, I was reading through some of my old posts. The last paragraph of this post, in particular, jumped out at me. It is amazing to me how true that turned out to be. When I was first laid off, I was exhausted mentally and physically. I slept a lot and spent a lot of time with my family. And now I feel renewed.

Times are tough for a lot of people, and at first, I felt bad for being so happy to be laid off. But the truth is that this was absolutely the BEST thing for me! Is money a little tight? Sure. Is job hunting frustrating? Absolutely. But, the time I have had to rediscover myself has been an opportunity that I wouldn't trade for anything.

In our lives, we take on many roles. Wife, daughter, sister, friend, employee, citizen, just to name a few. Personally, I tend to give a lot of myself. In the process, it is easy for me to lose myself. At my previous job, I lost myself. It was an environment where I constantly felt looked down upon, yet I continued to try and give my absolute best.

Since leaving, I have had time to focus on me and regain confidence in myself. Yesterday, I signed up for some courses in photography. Is taking photographs a natural talent for me? No, I don't think so. Could I really make taking photographs into a business? I'm not sure about that either. What I do know is that taking pictures makes me happy. It is something I enjoy. And I need more things in my life that make me happy. I can give and give to the other people in my life, but if I don't take time for myself, I am not giving my best to them. To take care of them and give them my best, I have to take care of myself and give myself the best.

So, that's what I'm trying to do. Will these courses make me a better photographer? Maybe. But more importantly, I think they will encourage me to be more confident in myself and to not be afraid to be creative and express myself. I think that that will not only make me happier, but will make me a better wife, daughter, sister and friend to the people I love.

Out with the old

The best way that I've found to lift my mood or feel better is to do something for someone else. Yesterday afternoon, my hubby and I were just sitting around the house and decided to clean out our closets. We usually do this twice a year, but it had been awhile so this was as good a time as any!

As you can see, we each filled a trash bag with clothes that didn't fit or that we didn't wear anymore. I filled mine a little bit more than my hubby did, but I was quite proud of how much he got rid of. He doesn't like to part with anything.

All these clothes will go to the Haiti Plunge Program through the COTY Project first. Haiti Plunge is a project that I've had the privilege of participating in twice, and that my dad, aunt, and uncle have also participated in. Anything that they do not want will go to the Salvation Army.

So our closets have a little more space, we have 2 big bags of clothes to give to people that have very little, and our moods got a little bit of a lift for helping other people. I'd say it was more than worth the time and effort it took to sort through everything!

The Little Things

There is a quote by Samuel Johnson that I just love!

It is by studying little things that we attain the
great art of having as little misery, and as
much happiness as possible.

I'm not very good at this by nature. I am very much a creature of habit. It is very easy for me to get stuck in routines and never waiver from them. I always drive to the supermarket the same way. I have to do the dishes and get my clothes and lunch ready for the next day before I can sit down to relax each evening. If you're familiar with Meyers-Briggs personality types, I am an ISFJ.

I tend to focus on the task at hand, and not the details and little things around me. Everyday, I get off the red line and walk to the office building I work in. I tend to focus on walking and getting to the building quickly.

One day, a few months ago, I got to work and little miss spy said something about a structure that was going up across the street. I had no idea what she was talking about so the next time I went outside, I made it a point to look. This is what I saw:

I walk by this EVERY SINGLE DAY and NEVER noticed it!! *hahahaha*

Since then I have been trying to be conscious of the things around me, little and big. We only have one life and I was going through mine just trying to make a living instead of LIVING MY LIFE! I should know better. Unfortunately, I have been shown too many times in my 25 years so far, that life is short and every moment is precious.

There are so many beautiful things around us, so much to be grateful for, and so many things to make us smile. So as much as my routines make me comfortable, I have been trying to step out of my comfort zone. I try to look around and be grateful for my life and every breath I take. It's amazing the things you notice around you when you take the time to look. And it's amazing how much happier it makes you.

Why rinse chicken?

I know what you're thinking, "'Why rinse chicken?' What kind of name is that for a blog about this girl's life???"

Over the past few years, I've learned a lot about myself and a lot about life (more specifically my life and my views on life). My journal is a great way to document all of it, but for awhile I've wanted to share it. There are so many things that I have thought about and experienced that I just KNOW other people must be thinking about and experiencing too. I know I'd feel a lot better if I knew other people felt this way and I'm sure they'd like that reassurance too.

For a few days, I had been trying to come up with a name for this blog that I wanted to start. Then yesterday, my best friend and I got in a completely unrelated conversation. She asked me, "Why do people rinse chicken?" She had been reading some recipes that told her to rinse the chicken first. Coincidentally, I had seen a cooking show just last week where the host asked the same thing, and I always wonder to myself why my husband rinses chicken before he cuts it up to cook it. Seems to me you are just creating more opportunities to touch things in your kitchen with contaminated chicken hands. Do you rinse a steak or a pork chop? You're going to cook it! There's no reason to rinse it first (unless, of course, you dropped it on the floor or something)!

But as usual, I thought more about this question. Why do people rinse chicken? They must have learned it from somewhere, never questioned it themselves, and it just became a habit.

Why don't we question things more in our life? Lately, my thoughts are often preoccupied with the topic of happiness. All my life I've thought that I have to have a certain job (or a career in general), have a certain amount of money in the bank or live a certain way to be happy. Where did I learn this? TV, society in general, teachers? I never questioned it. But what if those things aren't making me happy? Isn't everyone unique? And shouldn't we, therefore, have different paths to happiness?

For me, it's hard to get over the hurdle that people will judge me if choices I make stray from this standard. Intellectually, I know I shouldn't care what other people think, but when you've held certain things as a standard your whole life, it's hard to let go of them just like that.

Why rinse chicken? See where that took my brain!! I'm sure a lot of my posts will come out of simple questions like this that get me thinking about other things going on in my life. So it just seemed to fit for me and my blog!

This will be a blog about my life: the good and the bad, and my thoughts on things I'm experiencing and on ideas & topics that stem from those experiences. I'll try to include photos as often as possible, as photography is one of my favorite hobbies and is one thing I know makes me happy, despite the fact that I'm an amateur at best. And of course, I'll probably write about normal everyday things that are happening in my life too. I hope you all enjoy reading about my life, can relate to some of the things I am going through, and will engage in conversations with me and other readers through comments. I'd love to hear about your similar (or different) experiences and your thoughts on my reflections. Please be honest but kind! This blog is a part of my growth process more than anything and is not intended as advice of any kind. If you can relate to it or are inspired by it, that's just a bonus!