Sunday, August 8, 2010

Battle with the Bathroom Scale

When I was younger, I was really overweight. No, I'm not exaggerating. Really overweight. (April can I get some verification of this fact for everyone else please?) Anyway, sometime around 8th and 9th grade I lost the weight. I became more active, and taught myself about nutrition and moderation. I taught myself not to use food as an emotional crutch, but as a way to nourish my body. I focused more on how my body felt and how my clothes fit, than a number on the scale. And I was able to keep the weight off. The was no yo-yo battle with weight like a lot of people talk about, it was a lifestyle change for me. Even in college, I never gained any weight. I think I actually lost a few pounds. But again, I never got on a scale. I had no desire to and gauged my weight on how my body felt and looked physically, and how my clothes fit.

Enter pregnancy. The emotional demons of being overweight are coming back to haunt me. Now before you go into your comments of "You're supposed to gain weight." and "You're growing a child." hear me out please. (Yes, I know that punctuation was incorrect. No, I'm not going back to fix it.)

I couldn't be happier to be able to grow this baby inside me. I have no problems with my body image. I think my growing belly is actually attractive and suits my body well. My husband thinks my belly is overwhelmingly sexy, so the fact that I hear it from him every day is a huge boost to my confidence. My normal clothes obviously don't fit. I have no problem with that. I know my body won't be the same after the baby is born, but I also know I'll lose the weight and get back to some kind of normal.

My problem is the scale. After years of never even thinking about stepping on that damn thing, I now feel like I have to get on it every morning. And that number going up every day upsets me. That's it, just the number. It's all psychological, I know. I really don't care about the number given the circumstances. It's just seeing it. It takes me back to a place when I wasn't happy with my body image.

I don't eat any differently. I nourish my body and my baby with healthy, wholesome foods. I indulge my cravings in moderation just as I have over the years. The amount of food I eat hasn't even changed much. With the addition of a protein bar for a snack between lunch and dinner, the foods and proportions of those foods that I am eating are exactly the same. I know that it is baby, and blood, and my boobs etc. that are adding the weight, and not food. I just can't stand seeing that number.

It is a battle for me. I try to convince myself every morning not to get on the scale, but I always fail. I'm not eating less or exercising more to do anything about the number, I wouldn't even think of it. I know it's going up for a very good reason. But still that number upsets me.

I'm seriously considering asking my husband to hide the scale, but then I'll see the number at the doctor's office, so what's the point in that. So if you have any tips on convincing this insecure child inside of me that isn't thinking logically about pregnancy to ignore that silly number, I would greatly appreciate them.


Sonya said...

Have your hubby hide the scale and when you go to the doctor get on backwards and don't look. I am not kidding!! there will be months that you gain a crazy amount of weight for no apparent reason, its best not too look!! as long as you are eating right then you;ll be ok.

little miss spy said...

Yes, you used to be overweight. But you're not now. As you say, the new weight is all normal and healthy and awesome, since it's your baby! I know that it must be scary to look at the number going up, but I have an idea. Write the weight you want to be on a label and use it to cover the area on the scale that displays your weight. Then you'll always see a comforting number. And, like Sonya said, get on backwards at the doctor's office.

Maria said...

Get your doctor to tell what your healthy weight as an expecting mother should be each month... and how much you'd have to have to be in fact overweight, instead of just wating for the doctor's appointment and having him tell you that you are overweight or not at each appointment. No control there, right?

You need to have control at home!
With that list of numbers in hand, wouldn't you be more confortable at home knowing right there and then... "ok, I'm gaining weight, but according to this chart I'm doing ok"?
If you are eating right, then you're bound to never be above the weight the doctor tells you, right?
Tell THAT to your scale! Give it a big "HA, I'm beating you!"

Good luck and all the best.

Molly said...

I have the same thing. I am scared of finding out my weight too but I've reliezed that its ok because when my weight goes up it is all the muscle I am gaining from the sport I'm in. Just think. This is your sport and your training for one of the biggest competions of your life and it will all be worth in the end.