Friday, May 11, 2012

baby fever

I have babies on the brain lately. I know it is not the right time for us yet, but I want another baby. I want Audrey to have a sibling. I want to experience pregnancy again.

I loved being pregnant. I know not everyone does, but I did. I felt really comfortable in my changing body. I never felt more beautiful or sexy. I loved my belly. Yes, I felt huge at the end and my back hurt and I was anxious for her to get here. But it was such a beautiful feeling to have such an amazing purpose. That my body was growing another human being. I can't adequately describe it I guess, because those words don't seem to do it justice for me. But being pregnant, it was something I knew I was meant to do. It is an experience I am forever grateful for.

Anyway, those of you who were sick and miserable your whole pregnancy probably hate me now. I'd hate me too if I were you. But I loved every minute of it. I feel like I missed out on the first 18 weeks or so though. I was numb from our losses. I didn't want to let myself get attached to another baby I might lose. So I'm yearning to experience it again. There is still some lingering fear in the back of my mind, but it's not crippling like it was to me then.

But we'll wait a little longer. Because it's not the right time for us yet. It's not a whole lot of fun to be a responsible adult sometimes, you know?! So I cuddle my baby a little bit tighter and try not to rush it. But I've got the fever and I don't think it's planning on going anywhere. I'm pretty sure it's sticking around until we are ready.


Sonya said...

I loved being pregnant too. Even through the morning sicknes, the swelling hands and feet, the constant pain in my hips, the stretch marks! All of it was what brought me my two amazing children!

Jamie said...

I agree!! I LOVED being pregnant! I was happy every single day knowing that inside my belly was something so special! I too have been feeling the fever! A really close friend of mine is pregnant with her 2nd, we were pregnant together her first time around, so i think that's why I'm feverish : ) Like you, it's not our time yet...