Thursday, April 23, 2009

I never did like roller coasters...

I love the adrenaline (loved skydiving, white water rafting and rappelling!), I just always hated the feeling of my stomach flip-flopping up and down.

And since January, it seems as if my life and emotions are a non-stop roller coaster ride. Intellectually, I know the economy is in terrible shape. I know that there are so many people who have been laid off and are struggling to find work just like me. I know that it has nothing to do with me, personally. But emotionally, it is incredibly frustrating!

I have days when I am filled with energy and optimism and I have days when I feel worthless. I have days when I feel inspired and creative and get so many things accomplished. And the next day I may sit on the couch watching tv all day. Thankfully, as the weather gets nicer, and the sunshine pours through the windows, I seem to have more good days than bad.

But it continues to be a roller coaster ride. I had so many plans for the next few years of my life, and of my marriage. I'm a planner by nature, so knowing that those plans are now off track, at times brings me to tears. I'm not the kind of person who easily takes each day as it comes, though I am trying.

I believe that everything happens for a reason, but at the same time it's hard to let go of the control and not know what that reason is. Most days, what keeps me going is something that my dad always says:

You just have to do the best you can
with what you've got every day.

So whether I'm feeling optimistic and inspired, or frustrated and sad, I continue to do the best I can on this roller coaster that is my life. And boy is it a wild ride...


Sonya said...

Hang in there!! Something will come along.

little miss spy said...

It's hard. I can't tell you how often I feel worthless because I don't have a "real" job. But then then I see a flower blooming or catch the scent of an orange and remember how much more there is to life. I know you and I know you're wonderful and it's not personal. When you find the right job, then it'll be yours. Until then, your plans are changing for a reason and you'll figure it out when you get there.

Have a wonderful everyday.


Domestically Disabled Girl said...

Agreed, completely. I hate the up and down. I know there are times of life like this, but it doesn't make it easier, does it? I am on your side gal!
now, I am going to go work on lists of eight!

GodseySix said...

Eeeee. I don't really know what to say, here. I'm so sorry that things are the way they are. I wish there was more I could say or do to make things better. Hang in there! Like someone said on MckMama's blog: "God is still on plan A!" :)