Thursday, April 9, 2009

Love is a decision

Oprah yesterday was on the economy, people losing their jobs, and how these two things are negatively affecting marriages. If you read my post yesterday, you know I was having a rough day and, as a result, I was interested to watch this. Just as a warning, I'm going to ramble about marriage and my marriage now! I really mean ramble too. I'm not going to go back and proof read. I'm just going to write how I feel because that is the most therapeutic for me, and frankly, I need that right now.

I met my husband at 14 years old. I fell in love with him at 17 and we married each other at 24. A lot of people think this is too young, that you should live your own life, travel and establish a career before you get married. I honestly think this was the best path for us. I do not think it was a mistake, I know it was meant to be this way. We fell in love before we had any real material possessions, before we had real responsibilities, before we were expected to be adults. And now, I feel our love transcends all these things. We by no means have to perfect life. We are human. But I know that even on the hardest of days, he is waiting there to lift me up. I look in his eyes and I can see how deep his love is for me.

The couples on Oprah's show yesterday were contemplating divorce. Divorce is not an option for me. (I am not judging anyone else. Every situation is different and this is just my opinion and my outlook on my marriage.) No matter what obstacles we face, I know that he is my partner. I cannot turn against him because together we are stronger than we are individually. On our wedding day, I made a commitment to him, a commitment to God, a commitment to all of our family and friends, and a commitment to myself. That commitment is not something I take lightly. Just recently, during my sister's wedding ceremony, the deacon asked everyone a question. He asked, "What is love?" At the end, he told us, "Love is a decision." And it is a decision! Every morning, we have to decide to love each other. Despite all the obstacles, we have to decide to love each other.

Some people may say, "Oh that's easy for you to say, you don't own a house and you don't have any children." But I don't believe that. My parents own a house and had 2 children and they made that decision every single day. I've been so blessed with the examples of marriage I have in my life. My parents will be married 28 years in June. My mother's parents have been married 51 years! And those are just 2 examples! My whole life I have observed the marriages of the people I love. I have seen them make the decision to love each other in both the good times and the very difficult times. What a blessing this is! Going into our marriage, I knew that it was not going to be a fairy tale, that it would be hard work and that I would have to decide to love my husband every day. There was never the illusion of anything else. This outlook has saved our marriage and has saved us a lot of stress, and I believe it will continue to throughout our lives together.

For me, there is no other option. So, every single day, no matter how I'm feeling, no matter what the obstacles I face, or even if I like him that day, I decide to love my husband. Just a month or so ago, we were both laid off. We were unemployed and terrified, but we leaned on each other and decided to continue to love each other no matter what obstacles we would face. I believe that there is already a very special plan in place for us. We are not in control of it. I also believe that God would not place an obstacle in our way that we could not handle. He knows us better than we know ourselves. There is always a reason for the difficult times, just as there is a reason for the good times.

We would never truly appreciate the good times and our blessings if we didn't have the struggles too. During this difficult time in my life, my husband has made it extremely easy for me to decide to love him. I'm afraid I haven't made it as easy on him, and yet, every morning he wakes up and decides to love me. He is my rock. He is all I need here on Earth.

Phewww! Two serious posts in a row! I think this calls for a photo to lighten things up!

This is me and my husband at my sister's wedding on January 31st. It was taken by an amazing photographer (and friend of mine) named Carolyn Beaudreau, who just took some photos of my new niece, brother-in-law and sister-in-law also. If you want, you can check out a few sneak peaks of this photo session that she put up on her blog!


MomE said...

You two will go far with this kind of faith and foundation. You're right...a house and children don't make it easier...but it's still the same old decision you made before...To love...forever...til death do us part! AMEN sistah! Praying for ya!

Sonya said...

Thank you so much for this post! I love my husband more than anything but this past year has been tough on us. We are working through it and this totally hit home, I am definitely going to share this with him, that I DECIDE to love him every day more than the last!!! Thanks again.

Mama Notes said...

beautiful! :) I got married at 20 years old- tons of people thought it was way, way to young. Divorce is not an option for us either, we are committed to each other for forever.

Anonymous said...


I don't know where to start. I think your post should be read by anyone who is contemplating even a relationship, not just marriage.

I am not married. I make two years in July with the only man I have ever met that understands, supports, accepts, and loves me unconditionally each minute of every day; even when I make it extrememly hard for him to do so; and I'm terrified of marriage because so few people see it the way you do, the way I do.

I think it's very easy to get married when everything is love, kisses, and butterflies, but those vows a couple takes are often immediately dismissed when hard times come around, when the other person is going through a difficult phase whether it be the death of a parent, a lost pregnancy, menopause or worse, financial instability.

I agree with you the loving someone is a decision. While "falling in love" is NOT a decision, staying in love, cultivating, fertilizing and strengthening that love IS.

Thank you so much for this post. I am so happy to hear that you and your hubby are such a strong unit, together. I can only hope to be so blessed when my turn comes.

The Wades said...

I stopped over from I love photos. (I think that was what it was called.) I loved your editing best of all that I saw.

I was just lurking around a bit on your blog. It's so cute and uplifting. I feel exactly the same way about my wonderful hubby. There simply is no other option for me than loving him always. :)

Thought I'd say hi and tell you I enjoyed my visit. Happy marriage to you.