Friday, May 22, 2009

The infamous "kids" question

The question answering continues! :)

I got a couple questions by email regarding children. I've been getting this question since my wedding day (yes, at my actual wedding reception!) so I was kind of expecting it. Some of you have asked whether we want children and when we think we'll have them. This is a very sensitive subject for me, so PLEASE forgive me if the following sounds harsh.

What if I were to answer your question by saying that we've had multiple miscarriages or that we cannot conceive?

You'd feel like an a$$ for asking, wouldn't you? I'm not saying it to be cruel to those of you that asked, I know I told you to ask anything, so PLEASE don't take this personally. It's just that there are certain people that I really want to say that to and never do, so I took this opportunity to get it out! lol Oh, how I love blog therapy. Thankfully, neither of these answers applies to us. I know people mean well when they ask and they are just genuinely interested. I get curious about my friends and family too because children and pregnancies are exciting and wonderful, except I just don't ask.

I know that response is overly harsh, which is why I've never actually said it to someone out loud, but I do have a point. Everyone's situation is different and this is a subject that is SO personal and private. You never know the whole situation or circumstances behind the couple's choices or situation. Not to mention, if someone wanted you to know, and if there was something to actually tell, I'm SURE they would tell you.

So, yes, this happens to be a very sensitive subject for me and I have used this opportunity to get some things off my chest. Again, I know I told you to ask, and I am NOT mad! I love you all, and like I said, I expected it. :)

And to answer your questions, yes, we absolutely do want children. When that will happen and how many we will have is between me, my husband and God. When or if I do become pregnant, I will certainly be OVER THE MOON with excitement and I will be sure to share with all of you, I promise!


GodseySix said...

I agree, Sara. I think it is a very personal question but I also believe that good-intentioned people sometimes ask questions like that without thinking that there might be an issue of infertility or of recurring miscarriage. (And I smile as I write this because I'm sure I have asked this question to some before. Although my question is usually more along the lines of "when are ya'll going to have ANOTHER one" hehehe)

But you know what I think: I think that societal expectations have morphed so much that it is expected for a couple to start trying to conceive almost immediately after the wedding. It isn't common (or as common as I would like to see) for people to wait and enjoy a few years as the "newlyweds" before they become the "young parents".

My hubby and I have 4 kids and after my 4th, I had my tubes tied-a decision I, at times, regret. I mainly had them tied because when I was pregnant with my 4th I felt like I always owed people an explanation as to why we kept having kids. Why were we not just happy with the standard 2.3 kids? The question we always heard was "You know what causes that don't you?" :Rollseyes:

Anyhow, I'm happy you posted and I hope I haven't rambled on and on...and on. :)

Jeanette "Frogster" said...

Oh my, you are so right! My best friend has had four miscarriages, all of which she kept very private because of the pain. People were os rude and would ask questions like, "Why don't you have children yet? Don't you like children?" Finally she got so fed up with it that she answered, I love all four of my children that are already in heaven!
That shut them up! But it still hurts - very time someone unthinkingly says something. Thanks for your post - People need to be reminded that having children is not as simple as just deciding that you are going to have them. :)

Ryan Ashley Scott said...

It is a rude question when people ask without invitation. If a couple isn't having kids, it's either because they can't or they aren't planning on it at the moment.

Sonya said...

Wow!! See what I get for going on a mini vacation. I missed this post. I am just now getting caught up. I am so sorry that you got this question a few times but you are so right people pretty much start asking you the minute that engagement ring gets slipped onto your finger. :)

You have every right to answer this question however you see fit. It really is no one's business what you plan to do or not do with your body!!